Conversations With Death

Part Four: A life without death, is a life protected by one

He made all the wrong choices so that you'd be left with all the right ones. He chose a life full of pain to give you a life without one. 

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"Do you think he'd be here if he hadn't made those choices?" Asked the boy.

"I don't think he was in a position to make a choice."

"You think he would have chosen the better path if he knew this is how it would end?"

"I don't know."

"Was he selfish in his choices?"

"Not all of them."

"I think he was selfish. He knew what it would come to and he still chose to do it. He didn't even think once, he didn't even think about me." The boy frowned.

"He couldn't have, his conscience didn't run on right and wrong anymore. He couldn't think about you, because he knew, you'd be the only thing powerful enough to stop him."

"And he still chose to overdose."

"It wasn't his choice boy, he couldn't have helped it any other way."

"He should have stopped taking them! He took drugs and he overdosed! You don't think he should have thought about his son! He was supposed be my dad. He lied to me. He told me he stopped taking them. He told me he'd be okay." A tear slid down the boy's cheek. "I miss him. I miss him so damn much. I miss my dad."

"I think he misses you too. Maybe someday you'll find a reason. Maybe you'll forgive him someday, but that day will take time. You have to be patient."

"I don't think I can ever forgive him. You know, he used to make promises to me every night that he was fine, that he'd be okay. He told me he'd be there for me, forever. And yet here I am saving an empty seat for a father who failed to keep his promises, who failed to keep himself alive for his son."

"I understand that you'd be mad at him for not being a father to you when he was supposed to, but you have to know, if he had the control over his addictions, he would have, but that was not in his hands, it was too late for him to go back, to restart."

"I don't think you understand. I saw him. I saw him lying on the floor, dead. I shouted his name, I tried moving him up, but he- he was dead." The boy burst into tears. "He looked so pale. His decisions in his hand, marks of his past and his mistakes engraved on his wrist. His choices were clear, a needle and a box of pills. He chose that life. He willingly chose that life over a life with me."

"Don't blame him for his mistakes. We all make mistakes and yes some of them end up affecting others too, but we can't go back from them, we can only learn."

"And you know what I have learnt from my dad's mistakes? To never believe someone if they say they're going to be there for you, because they'd always have something more valuable than you that they'd choose over you, any day."

He looked at the boy and asked. "If he was here right now, in his pain, in agony, would still be able to tell him to stop? Knowing that even if he did, he'd never be able to go back, still never be the father he promised he'd be?"

The boy looked at Him, his glossy eyes, letting a drop of tear roll down his face. "Yes, I'd still tell him to stay. I would tell him to stay, because I'd be there for him."

"Do you think that'd be a good enough reason?"

"Yes. I'd tell him to stay because I'm his son. I'd tell him to stay. I'd tell him that we'd go fishing by the lake, we'd have ice-cream from his favourite shop, we'd buy his favourite boots and we'd buy a matching pair, we'd make his favourite dinner and we'd watch his favourite movie. We'd do everything he likes. I'd tell him we'd be there for each other. I'd be there for him, even if he couldn't be there for me." The boy frowned. "But do you know what the saddest part is? I know that even after all this, he still wouldn't choose me."

"Are you mad at that I took him away from you?" He asked the boy.

"No. I'm glad you did. I'm glad you someone made the decision to take him out if his pain before he could cause more to himself." The boy took a moment to think, and he asked, "Do you think its better that he died?"

"I don't think so. But I know death would have been an easier option for you to see your dad in. It would be easier for you to see your dad taken away. Death might not have saved him a life to live, but it did save him from a life he'd end up taking on his own." He said.

"I think you might have saved him from himself. I think you took his pain away from him. I think his choices would have caused a cruel ending and perhaps his death was the only choice that didn't lead to pain. You saved him his own pain."

"I didn't know death would be the answer to ending someone's pain, but I know it brought you yours. I may have saved your father, but who'd be there to save you?" He asked.

"I don't know, but I think he has protected me all this time. My father made all the wrong choices so that he'd leave me with all if the right ones. He chose a life full of pain, to give a life without one. He might not be here physically, but I know, he's always there to protect me, he'd always be there in my heart. And that was his way of telling me he loved me."

"Death might have been the right choice for him, but it's a shame. Its a shame's missing out on a son like you. You know, life is one precious thing. No matter how fragile, how delicate, if you can dedicate it to someone, then your life can hold so much power that even death can't fight it."

"I may not have a father, but I'll look up to you. You protected my father from his life, and I trust you, one day you'd protect me from mine." Said the boy looking up at Death.

Death smiled, looked at the boy, and said, "I may not be the good guy in many people's stories but I promise you, I will try my best to be one in yours. I will protect you for life. I will be there to protect you from death, even if it means surrendering to my own."

***

Do you think Death can save anyone from their own life?