The Babysitter

~4. Got It In Mind.~

The water was a dream, just as the shower head. It felt like rain was gently pouring down onto me. I glimpsed towards the shampoo bottles and caught mine standing next to hers. A smile beamed onto my lips. It was just this simple thing, yet Cate helped me to get my thing settled in and it was a really sweet gesture to place my shampoo in the shower already. Whilst singing and humming to whatever song was playing, I finished everything up and soon, I was able to go downstairs.

I had thrown on a pair of socks, shorts, a top and above it all a loose hoodie. With slightly wet hair I stepped into the kitchen, where Cate was standing at the stove, making pancakes. Soft music played in the radio.

"You sing under the shower, huh?" Cate said and turned around for a moment.

"Yeah... sorry, about that." I laughed it off.

"No need to apologize, I liked it. Just be careful, Edith will make you sing all the time, if she hears you." Cate chuckled and placed the last pancakes on a plate. "There you go." She placed them in front of me and I smiled thankfully. Her gaze lowered onto my legs.

"I'm letting air on it." I smiled and she mirrored it.

"I see." Cate looked as if a question was burning on her tongue.

"What is it?" I asked and stuffed a whole pancake into my mouth, which made the woman chuckle for a moment.

"Why do you do it?" She asked carefully.

I sighed. "It's... it's a sort of release, I suppose." Cate nodded and touched my lower arm, assuring she's paying attention. "It is like... -when I cut, it's like I'm in a rush afterwards, as if all my stress is gone. I know it's sick and you won't understand it." I added quickly, to make sure she knew, that I was aware of how silly and dump I was. I left the part out, where I try to tell her, that it's like a cigarette after sex.

"It's not sick, Vera." Cate said and I looked into her soft face. "You haven't found your coping mechanism, yet. Well, you did find something, but it's nothing that actually helps you in long term. Cutting is just temporarily helpful, sweetheart. Hurting yourself is never the answer... but I think you know that."

I nodded slowly. "I do."

"What was the reason?" Cate asked carefully, not wanting to corner me.

"I-" I gasped. "Cate, I really want to keep this job..."

Suddenly, the woman cupped my face, forcing me to look right into her eyes. "Hey, hey, it does not mean, I will fire you, just because you're not doing well. My children adore you too much and I'm way too comfortable around you, okay?" She had this worried expression on her face, yet a kind smile upon her lips.

"Are you sure? I mean, I don't want to make you feel unwell, about me being around your kids, Cate." I explained and the blonde shook her head.

"Darling, this is nonesense." Cate smiled. "I wouldn't trust anyone else more with them..." She smiled. "-Right! I have a really important meeting in three months and I need you to to be there to pick up the kids from school." I nodded, with a gentle grin. "Cause I'll be back really late. Could you do that?"

"Of course, I can."

"Thanks, sweetheart." Her thumb gently caressed my cheek. "This means a lot to me."

Breakfast was over pretty quickly. Cate sat down on the couch, with a book, whilst I excused myself for a moment. I wanted to write a little, so I grabbed my laptop from upstairs and joined her in the living room afterwards. I took a seat in one of the armchairs, close to where she was sitting, glimpsing over here and there, whilst writing down what just came into my mind. It was more of a pome, I suppose. A little unclear and mysterious, so it let space for creativity in mind. Although, no one except me would read it, but I liked the idea of having more, than just one meaning within a sentence or even a single word...