Caffrey Flashback

Chapter 26: Loopy

Jacobi Hospital. Friday afternoon. February 27, 2004.

Neal woke again. At least he thought he was awake. It felt like he'd woken many times, only to realize he must be dreaming. Often he was back in Chicago again, forming a tentative alliance with Henry. Sometimes he was with an older couple who seemed vaguely familiar, playing poker of all things. The woman he thought of as not-Mom was there sometimes. A few times he was with Vance again, but those episodes didn't last long; people came and pulled him back from those memories. There seemed to be a doctor, too. And once even...

"Was Mozzie here?" he asked. But as soon as he said it he realized that must have been another dream. Mozzie didn't like to go places where doctors were. He didn't trust them.

Neal was about to drift off again when he realized someone was saying his name. He opened his eyes and stared fuzzily at the man standing beside him. "There you are," said the man. "Neal, do you know who I am?"

Many things ran through his mind, confusing him. It was Peter, but he had many different roles and Neal wasn't sure which one he was being now. Special Agent. Burke the Jerk. Friend. Pursuer. Boss. Suit. El's husband. Immunity. He held on to the one thing that seemed simplest and truest. "Dad?"

There was a pause, and Peter said, "Kid, you're killing me."

And with that Neal went from hoping he was awake to hoping he wasn't. He moaned and closed his eyes, trying to escape to a different dream.

A woman's voice said, "He's probably thinking very literally right now."

"What? Oh! Neal, no, I'm fine. You aren't hurting anyone. Open your eyes again, please. C'mon, Neal. A couple of minutes, okay? Stop malingering."

It was so tempting to slip into another dream, but Neal decided to give this one a second chance. He opened his eyes again. There was Peter, and not-Mom. Noelle, Neal remembered. Her name was Noelle and she sounded like Mom but she wasn't. Not his mom. Henry's mom.

"You slept through lunch," said not-Mom. "Do you think you could eat something?"

Neal considered that. He shook his head.

"Would you try some juice?" she persisted. "They're going to put you on another IV if you don't."

He flexed his left hand automatically, and it hurt. He didn't want another IV. "'kay." He drank the juice slowly, and gradually became more aware of his surroundings. Hospital again. Several of his dreams had been set in a hospital, and he was starting to think he really was in a hospital. Maybe he was awake this time. But then he noticed Henry, sitting in a chair, his head resting on his arms on Neal's bed, asleep. That was weird. Probably a dream.

Just in case, he tugged at one of the pillows behind him until it came loose and then pushed it at Henry, who latched onto it, settling his head into the pillow with a snuffling sound.

Noelle reached across the bed to ruffle Henry's hair as if he were a little kid. And when Neal blinked at her, she ruffled his hair, too, and then swooped in to kiss his nose. "I'm scared to think what the two of you got up to after Henry found you, but I'm also sorry I missed it."

Neal wasn't sure what to make of that, so he looked at Henry again. "Malingering," said Neal. He didn't remember where the word had come from. It seemed to be hovering in the air around him, and he liked it. He looked up at Peter with a smile. "You missed the poker game."

"Who were you playing with?" Peter asked.

Neal was still vague about who they were and if they had been real. He didn't seem to have names for them. One phrase floated to mind. "Badass?"