Caffrey Flashback

Chapter 10: Therapy - The Emotions

New York City hotel room. Saturday afternoon. February 21, 2004.

After sharing the story of his childhood abuse, Neal was dismayed at the reaction of his therapist, who had just accused him of withholding information. "I told you everything," he insisted. "Everything I can remember."

Still in cool, professional therapist mode, his aunt Noelle said, "You told me a series of events. That's a good start, but therapy involves your emotions around those events."

"Can't we cover that next week?"

"We'll be covering that for several weeks, but we're going to make a start now. Let's start with Vance."

Neal made the mistake of believing that talking about Vance would be easy. His feelings about the man were straightforward enough. From the beginning he'd disliked and distrusted the man who had abused him. At the insistence of his mother he'd been polite, but had held to one small act of rebellion: he refused to call Vance Dad.

But that led Noelle to the topic of father figures. Soon Neal was telling her about the gifted art teacher who had stolen and sold Neal's best reproduction work as a forgery when Neal was a teenager. And then he admitted his third father figure had been Robert Winslow – Henry's father. He described trying to win Robert's approval, only to be tricked into committing a crime. Robert had kept the evidence and used it to blackmail a twenty-one-year-old Neal into parting ways with his cousin Henry. Other than a raised brow, Noelle refrained from comment about the references to her son and ex-husband.

"I'm sorry," Neal said when he had finished talking about his experiences with Robert.

"Why?"

"Well, Robert... You married him. You must have had feelings for him. It feels weird to trash him in front of you."

"He's my ex for a reason. And we aren't here to talk about my feelings. Did you have another father figure in the years that followed?"

"Sort of." The next man who claimed to be a father figure in Neal's life had been Vincent Adler. Neal stressed that while he had learned a lot from the man and admired his strategic thinking, he hadn't formed a strong emotional attachment toward him. "Shortly before he disappeared he said something about me being like a son, and at that point I started to distrust him."

"That was nearly a year ago," Noelle noted. "Do you have a new father figure in your life now?"

"Yeah." Neal desperately wanted to avoid talking about Peter. "I'm really... I'm not ready to talk about him."

"Why is that?"

"Listen, I know my father figures have been messed up. You're going to start asking me what's wrong with this one. I would in your place. But I got it right this time, I swear. Even Henry approves of him. I just... Please, let me keep this one. I've lost Byron. I think I'm losing Kate. Let me keep Peter a little longer."

Noelle seemed to melt a little bit. "It isn't my role to take anything away from you, Neal, and I'm sorry if it feels that way. We can wait to talk about Peter." She directed the conversation toward Ellen Parker, and listened as Neal described the woman as a hero, a rescuer who had uncovered the truth about the abuse and who had kept Neal safe while his mother was in rehab. He said he felt no resentment about the time it had taken Ellen to realize that he was being abused. "And what about your mother?" Noelle asked. "Do you resent her role in your abuse?"

Neal frowned. "She didn't abuse me."

"She didn't prevent the abuse. She introduced the abuser into your life and didn't notice what was happening to you. How does that affect your emotions toward her?"