I don't want to feel better

I want to stop everything

"Don't say that."

Did this count as an attempt? Cause I was really close to hanging a couple feet off the floor before I was stopped, or does it not count cause I technically didn't get done with it and hospitalized? I don't know. It was too early in the morning for this.

I let Ranboo hug me until everyone was leaving to go back to bed. It was almost early enough in the morning that people were waking up for the day now. I went and laid on the couch where Tubbo was sitting and I placed my head in his lap.

He tried to soften his crying as he rubbed my back. I don't deserve these people. They are so kind to me and I'll I try to do is leave them. Soon Ranboo joined us and sat on the floor infront of me.

God I don't deserve to be freinds with these two. They care to much and I'm just so mean to them. They try so hard and I just break them every time. Why do they even like me. I'm so ugly, and I'm a waste of food and space and oxygen. I wish I was dead. I wish I hadn't made that mistake. I probably would've died this time.

I bit the inside of my cheek in attempt to not cry. Ranboo reached his hand out from the floor and placed it over the cuts on my face. I literally could not contain myself anymore. I started sobbing.

Why do they care so much

I can't even care for myself

Why me

Why does everyone choose to care for me

Why not someone else.

(I literally only cope with physical touch and like nice words so y'all are gonna have to put up with it >:] another reminder that this is all platonic and I'm Just showing off my favorite characters)

I let the tears run down my face as Tubbo rubbed my shoulder. Everything was so stressful I wish I would die right in this moment. Maybe it would be better than in the cold garage. I felt safe, like I could just slip away and be fine with it. I'd be at peace.

Too many thoughts were going through my mind to comprehend anything but I didn't care. I felt safe. I was around the people I loved and trusted. Even if they didn't feel that way about me. They brought me comfort.

The sun was rising and you could see it slightly through the blinds in the living room. Eventually Ranboo got off the floor and sat next to Tubbo. I continued to cry until people started coming downstairs.

I sat back up on the couch and Tubbo stood up.

So I was annoying him..?

I should've moved earlier

He's probably upset with me

He's probably tired too

I'm sorry

Fuck. I stayed on the couch while everyone- not including Ranboo- went to the table. Ranboo sat silently next to me for a while before standing up and returning with two plates of food. I felt like passing out. I didn't have the energy for this. I laid my head back on the back if the couch.

For breakfast we were having waffles with strawberries. One of my favorite foods- well used to be my favorite before I decided it was better to stop eating. I genuinely wanted to eat it but I knew it would make me nauseous. I simply sit cross cross on the couch and put my head in my hands as I let out a sigh.

I stood up, "I'm going to bed-" 

"Eat first, your so tired because you have nothing in your system. Just try."

I let out an annoyed sigh as I set back down. I grabbed my fork and started eating the food. After a couple bites i started to feel nauseous but I tried to shake it off and continue. I was just gonna throw it up later so it didn't really matter did it. I ate and chatted with Ranboo. He was such a nice friend. Sometimes I felt like I actually cared. It was a nice feeling seeing as it probably wasn't true.

After I had completely finished the food I attempted to excuse myself only to be declined.

"Nope, we are gonna play a game for an hour and then you can leave." Ranboo said. "Or we can Just go hang out in our room for an hour." He gave me a soft smile that made me wanna cry. I simply agreed and we went back to our room.

I felt like crying, But I couldn't, Ranboo was a couple feet away from me. I simply laid down in bed and covered myself in the blankets. I wanted to throw up so bad but I knew damn well that wasn't gonna happen. I took of my hoodie so I was now wearing a t-shirt. I climbed back under the covers and sighed. It didn't really help hiding anymore, I was only gonna give myself heatstroke.

I started to cry silently while laying in bed. After a couple minutes I felt a shift of weight on my bed and then I felt really comfortable. I felt a sense of security and warmth as Ranboo hugged me. I don't know how the hell he does it but he always finds a way to make any situation better. It was something simply natural within him or something. I see why Tubbo likes him so much. He's just.. how do you say..? amazing. I dug my head into his shoulder and continued to cry silently.

He rubbed my back as he hugged me. I felt so helpless but at the same time I felt so loved. How can a simple task of a hug make someone feel like nothing could ever go wrong. I felt like dying in that moment but at the same time I wish it could last forever. I slowly started to fall asleep. I felt so safe and I don't know why. I felt like nothing bad would ever happen again because at least one person cared.

I let out a quite sob as I was hugged tighter.

"It's gonna be okay, trust me everything is going to be okay. Just get some rest, I'm here for you." Ranboo whispered to me. As he spoke I only wanted to cry more. I couldn't tell if he was lying or not. I closed my eyes as I tried to fall asleep.

"It's gonna be okay.. I'm right here.. nothing can hurt you."

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Word count: 1814

I'm really happy with this story so far, don't forget to vote in order to be swag. Also thank y'all so much for 300 and a lil more reads! :)