When Spencer lost the person she trusted the most her world collapsed.
Now almost 6 years later, she is longing to find happiness but this isn't as easy as it seems, especially if you struggle with your weight.
Can the mysterious black-haired spanis...
These are the last words my father said before he lost his fight against cancer.
At this time I didn't comprehend what he meant by that. Even now, at the age of 18, I don't understand. What is happiness and how do you achieve it? If you know the answer please tell me because I definitely don't know.
I blink back the tears collecting in my eyes and stand up. I look again at the tombstone that bears my father's name, place a bouquet in front of it and stroll back to my bicycle parking at the entry of the cemetery.
Looking at my watch I decide that it is time to make my way back home.
Home... When I'm honest I don't think that it is my home anymore since my father left me alone with my mother and my older brother.
The sun begins to set as I pull up the driveway of our house and put my bike in the garage. Based on the missing car I conclude that my mother isn't home. Bless the Lord!
I put the key in the keyhole of our front door and walk inside.
"Charles?!" "CHAAARLES!?", I shout the name of my brother.
No answer.
Satisfied with the knowledge that I'm home alone I make my way into the kitchen to catch some food but halfway to the fridge a familiar voice in my head rings "Don't!"
It may sound stupid but I make my way up the stairs to my room. With a growling Stomach. Again.
After changing into grey sweatpants and a white oversized shirt I take off my makeup and put my hair into a messy bun.
Ready for bed I take out the book I am currently reading and begin to read...
I'm not sure if anyone can relate but reading a book is like escaping the real world. And I would give everything to escape my current situation.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ The next morning I woke up because of my ringing alarm clock which was set for 8 o'clock, like everyday during the week, because I have to head for work.
I put on makeup to conceal my blemishes, highlighter, and mascara. I brush my red hair which is now reaching to my collarbone and go to my wardrobe to pick out an outfit.
My clothes are really one-sided: Mostly I belong mom jeans and a lot of oversized shirts and hoodies. On the one hand, I feel more comfortable in them but in my opinion, they look stylish too.
But because today is a really warm and sunny day I choose a cute light green top, on top a plain white jacket. After I put on blue jeans, my black converse and white pearl earrings. I take my phone, my purse, my earphones and make my way downstairs.
Welcomed by the annoying jabbering from my mother I walk into the kitchen I see her making pancakes and talking to her new lover, this time only 10 years younger than her.
Yes, you heard right.
It have been nearly 6 years since my father died, and I'm not surprised anymore when my mother brings a new guy to our house, who is usually much younger than her.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a person who easily judges people, and also everybody mourns contrarily but it really gets on my nerves.
"Morning Mom and Hello whoever you are", I murmur directed to the black-haired guy sitting on a chair in the middle of the kitchen waiting for his breakfast.
"Good morning Spencer! How have you slep-", mid-sentence my mother spun around and stopped talking as she took in my outfit. She looked up and down taking me in.
As she finally looked in my eyes again she said: "What are you wearing there, Spencer?"
"What do you mean 'What am I wearing?'", I answered uncertainly.
"I mean your top", she repeats," don't you think it's a bit..." There is a short pause where my mom's new lover weirdly excuses himself to the bathroom and my mother thinks about how she could form her next words as nice as possible.
"Mother, just say what you want to say, I'm already late", I confront her my voice still insecure.
"Well if I'm honest with you I think your top is a little tight. I know I told you this a few times lately, but have you thought about a diet because it seems that you have gained a bit of weight over the last few months, don't you think so?"
I feel my mother's words hit my heart and cause more damage there than they should. Well, that wasn't nearly as nice as I hoped it would be.
[Flashback]
I'm standing in front of the bathroom mirror again. I said again because in the last month it happens on a regular basis : Me looking at myself in the mirror. For hours. Silent tears dripping down my cheeks.
I don't think I would be here if my mother didn't constantly talk about my weight. But this is a big tribute, isn't it.
A few months ago I didn't have the habit to go into the bathroom, lock the door behind me, undress myself and cry at what I see in the mirror.
A few months ago I didn't think about what I am eating or what I am wearing. I was carefree. As carefree as you can be in my situation.
What I want to say is, that I was happy with my body. I even liked it. If I'm honest with you I don't even think that my body has changed since then.
The only thing that changed, are the constant comments from my mother and my brother. Don't you think you should start a diet? Spencer, have you gained weight? You should pay attention to what you eat, child! Don't you think that was enough food?
Sometimes I ask myself if dad would have thought the same.
With this thought in my mind I grab the tape lying on the sink and start wrapping it around my thights, then my upper arms and finally around my stomach.
My new habit.
It hard to breathe, but I'm happy to take the costs when the comments from my remaining family finally stop.
[End of flashback]
"Yes maybe I think you are right", I whisper quietly not looking at her. As I fight the tears trying to escape my eyes I make my way to the door, but not before zipping up my jacket to cover my top. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: First chapter done! Thank you for giving my book a chance!As previously mentioned, this is my first book ever ever ever...So please be indulgent ;) Of course I'm ready for suggestions for improvement! *Not edited* Word count: 1098
