perf*ct (boy × boy) ✔

seventeen: everything sucks

"Where are you going?" Jeffrey questioned.

"On the mall with Crespo and Samuel." Nicholas answered, a little too quickly, but it seemed to convince mom and Jeffrey. Then he disappeared in the hallway and soon we could hear the door closing, which was followed by a sound of a car speeding away.

"If Nicholas can manage work, baseball practices and seeing his friends while getting good grades, I'm sure you can at least manage work and graduating." 

Ouch.

"Yeah, sure." I shrugged, no longer hungry at all. How I hated to be compared to Nicholas, and it wasn't like I didn't already know it without being told so: he could exceed at everything, while I could do the bare minimum. "I'll go to my room now."

Mom got up ready to follow me, while worrying that I should eat at least something, but Jeffrey stopped her: "He'll come to his senses, honey." 

When I was upstairs, I shut our room door and slumped on my bed. My side of the room was messy. There was dirty laundry laying all around and even a few dishes waiting to get moldy. Nicholas always complained about my messiness, whereas everything on his side was ordered neatly and I bet you couldn't find even a single dust particle under his bed.

It was getting late and I could tell my body wasn't used to heavy lifting because of the soreness of my muscles. I knew I should have taken a shower and done my homework, but instead I logged in our group chat and started complaining about my day to Lava and Jacob. 

Making and having online friends has always been easier for me than maintaining friendships in real life. I mean, for real, you have to be really pushy to become friends with me outside the internet. Making friends online has one big plus side: I can write and I do not have to worry whether or not I'm going to start stammering.

I've known Lava for nearly two years now and she's a year younger than me. I don't know her last name and I'm not even sure if Lava is her real first name. What I do know is that she's an asexual as well as a gamer with a serious addiction to almond butter. Her hair color seems to vary according to her mood, but most often it is blue. She has a septum and she can wear all colors as long as they're black.

Jacob I've known for a year or so and he's a year older than me. He's deaf — and has made it more than clear that we shouldn't use the term hearing impaired when talking about him — and he too is a gamer. Jacob is 6'7 and that might be one of the reasons why he prospers at basketball. I've never seen a picture of him, so I don't actually know what he looks like.

Nathan: working sucks. and so do my parents. and my idiot brother. and school. there's this one guy who doesn't completely suck though.

Lava: Everything sucks. :(

Jacob: Ur always complaining. I want to know everything about that guy.

Nathan: i'm not. 

I dropped my phone on my bed and closed my eyes, wondering why the hell did I mention Solar just now. Maybe Jacob had a point, since I really did complain a lot, but that was exactly what I wanted to do then. 

Nathan: uh, there's not much to tell yet. i think we're like friends or something. the point is that he's the only thing that doesn't completely suck right now.

Lava: Can't you just quit working, if it sucks so much?

Nathan: i can't. we really need the money.. but i'm already falling behind and all i can think about is if jonathan's getting sick again.

Jacob: They'll tell you if something's wrong. 

Lava: Yeah, there's no use worrying about it right now. 

Nathan: you sound like my brother. 

Lava: Oops, sorry. In the meantime, why not ask that guy who doesn't completely suck to tutor you? ;)

Nathan: no way, i don't want him to find out how dumb i am.

Jacob: Ur not dumb.

I had a feeling the conversation wasn't going anywhere, so I ditched my phone and took a shower instead. By the time Nicholas made it home, I was already half-asleep.

He didn't switch on the lights and avoided making any loud noises. There was a faint smell of weed coming from his clothes, but I was too tired to get up or to get angry. I really hoped it was just from Crespo and his other idiot friends smoking, and that Nicholas had no part in it. He was the captain of the Varsity team after all, and.. I don't know, I guess I just thought he would know better than to make a mistake like that.

I was starting to feel like I had no idea what was going on in either of my brother's lives. I wasn't ready to go through the same fight we had three years ago with Jonathan, but if the cancer was back, there weren't many choices. Then there was Nicholas, who was nice one minute and a douchebag in another. Nicholas who didn't seem to even know himself what he was doing anymore.

°°°°

Uh, sorry, I try not to write too long chapters, but it still keeps happening..