The Twelfth Moon || ✔️

4. Farewell

He couldn't finish his sentence as his eyes widened when he saw my hand. "By the Moons, Sari. What happened?" His words came out softly, and shocked, and betrayed, as if he too was on the verge of tears.

I simply shook my head, my body still too weak to speak. He had never seen me injured before, not when it was grave like this. He didn't know about the scars that lingered on my back, though I was sure he had suspicions about why I sometimes stayed away for days or weeks at a time.

Benjamin seemed to notice my legs were starting to give out again, as he pulled out one of the chairs for me and ordered me to sit down. "I brought some food. Not much, but anything I could spare without it being noticeable," he murmured as he reached into his bag and pulled out half a loaf of bread and an apple. I took the bread and started to eat, my stomach thanking me. I had forgotten about my hunger, but now I was eating I suddenly felt it again.

With every bite I took, the numbness slowly faded away. Benjamin held his worried gaze on my face, but gave me room to collect myself. His kindness never failed to surprise me, even in the darkest moments he brought light to my life. 

His hair had started to turn grey a few months ago, and wrinkles decorated his face. He aged differently than me, as he was human, but I liked to imagine those same wrinkles on my parents' faces. They were taken away from me before they had the chance to show any real sign of age, but I often wondered how they would have looked with grey hair sitting on their heads. I wondered if it would be as charming on them as it was on Benjamin.

We sat in silence for a while, whilst I continued eating some of the bread. Finally, I found it in me to talk, and I quietly offered him a thank you. He simply nodded, sadness passing over his face that I felt the need to thank him for feeding me, for keeping me alive.

That I had to thank anyone at all for that.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, with his head pointing at my hand.

"No, not really. There's not much to say about it." 

He nodded at what I said. He probably did believe there was a lot to be said about it, but he didn't feel the need to push my boundaries on it today. 

Silence filled the room again, as we both stared into nothing, thinking of what to say.

It was Benjamin who broke the silence first. "I should have done more. I should have done more for you, Sari. I'm so sorry," he uttered, his voice breaking at the words. A single tear let loose from his eye, and I realized I'd never seen Benjamin cry before. It felt unsettling to see him cry, especially over me, to see him blame himself for all the horrors that my life had been.

"You did so much already, Benjamin. I would not be here today if it weren't for you." My good hand reached for his and I squeezed it gently, and gave him a consoling smile. I meant it, I couldn't begin to express how grateful I was for him and all he had done for me.

"No, no. I should have taken you in. I should have..." A sob finished his sentence, and the words got swallowed.

"We both know you couldn't do that, Benjamin. This is not your doing, none of it is. Only one person is to blame for this, don't put this on yourself. Please," I whispered. I hoped he heard the sincerity in my voice. It crushed me to see him like this, to see him feel so guilty.

"I could have tried at least. I failed you, I failed your father. I am so, so sorry," he managed to say, in between the tears and sobs.

"You are the one person in this town that hasn't failed me, Benjamin. And I am so incredibly grateful for all that you have risked for me. I owe you a debt I'm not sure I will ever be able to repay."