all along there was some invisible string, tying you to me
"you hurt me deeply but the worst part of it all is that I want to hate you, I really do, but I can't stop fucking loving you."
warning: drug use, sexual assault, addiction, self injury
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noahbeck please make it through, praying for you
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I woke up to a cold hospital room. I looked up and saw my mom, my dad, my sister and Noah in a room. "My baby." My mom said as she ran to the left side of the bed. "It's all my fault, I should've been there for you. I'm so sorry." My mom sobbed. Watching my mom this heartbroken made me feel extremely guilty and hurt. "Mom stop crying. It's not your fault. I was stupid." I said with a blank expression in my face. I knew I had fucked up. I knew I had overdosed. I knew I wanted to get out of this. My mom hugged me very tightly and I hugged her back. I missed her.
"Can I talk to her for a second?" Noah said as he stood up to ask towards me and everyone walked out of the room. "No don't you dare go. Please stay, Maddie?" I begged for someone to stay but they all left. "What do you want?" I asked mad at Noah. "Promise me you'll never scare me like that again." He said with a smile on his face. Why is he happy I almost die. What the fuck. "Why would you be scared?" I asked sassily. "Listen Val. The moment I saw you almost dead on that ambulance and all the paramedics do weird stuff in your chest I felt like I was going to die. I felt like a part of me was taken away. I can understand how we're you feeling when we broke up. I am not willing to lose you again." He said holding my hand and standing next to my hospital bed. "Well Noah, that's very sad because this is not the time that I need a relationship. I need to heal, by myself. I need to find myself. I need to achieve my goals. So I'm very sorry that you will have to lose me again." I said and I took my hand off his. I suddenly felt how he felt pain.
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Noah left the room and my family came back. "What happened? He's been a real gentleman and has proved he loves you Val." My mom said placing her hand in my cheek. It felt warming and cozy, it made me feel comfortable and safe. "Nothing, I just don't think this is the moment I need a relationship. So many things have happened in less than a year and it's so confusing. I think I need time for myself, just myself. I really want to get out of this addiction." I said with honesty as everyone in the room looked proudly at me. "Well honey we've talked to our pastor, Judah and his wife Chelsea and they offered us to do a sort of informal rehab for you in their house. They've done it with Justin Bieber and it was successful. What do you think about it?" My mom said holding my cheek again with her soft hand. "Well I think I have to go." I said without hesitation. One thing I knew and was determined at is that I didn't want drugs to be part of my life again.
