To Be Loved | Chris Evans Fan Fic

14

I didn't want to tell Max about my encounter with Mabel and Alex, but my gut was telling me that I wouldn't want to know what he would be like if he found out and I hadn't told him. So I did. He was mad and I felt uncomfortable. But I did feel like I did the right thing. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror, I didn't recognise the person staring back at me. It wasn't the first time this had happened. It felt like I had disassociated myself with the body I was trapped in. I looked at the deep purple rings under my eyes, the bruises had begun to yellow around the edges as they started to heal. But I didn't feel myself healing. I didn't feel myself in the slightest. My breath quickened as if I couldn't breath properly. It felt like my lungs were deprived of oxygen and no matter how had I was trying, I just couldn't breathe. Sitting myself down on the closed toilet seat, I put my head in my hands as I attempted to focus on inhaling and exhaling.

After about 10 minutes, I could feel my breathing beginning to return back to normal and I left the bathroom without glancing into the mirror again. Every time I did, I would panic myself as the person looking back at me was a complete stranger. They moved in the same way I did, they looked the same as I did. But it wasn't me.

I rushed into the kitchen, putting my trainers on. Luckily I was on a closing shift tonight, so it wouldn't be too busy, no one would have to see my appearance. Max placed a quick kiss to my forehead before I rushed out to door.

Once I had gotten to work, I desperately tried to avoid any reflective surface I could, scared that the same thing that has happened the past few days would repeat itself at work and I wouldn't be able to soothe myself.

However this thoroughly went out the window when I was left alone and discovered I had to clean out the coffee machine. The coffee machine that was covered in metal, a reflective surface. I felt completely and utterly pathetic when I felt my heart beat quicken as I began to remove the nozzle.

I was too focused on inhaling through my nose and exhaling out my mouth to notice the bell go as someone opened the door. I let out a frustrated scream as a tear escaped down my cheek. Sinking down to the floor, I begun to try and focus on my breathing again when a voice startled me.

"Lil, you okay?" A soft sigh escaped my lips as Chris' face appeared behind the counter. A loud sob came out and he instantly rushed to my side. Sitting himself down on the floor beside me, he wrapped an arm around my shoulders to comfort me. I leant into his chest and sobbed. "It's okay, I've got you baby" he mumbled into my hair. The sadness and fear soon turned into an overwhelming rage. I ripped myself away from him. The tears from a second ago still damp on my cheeks.

"You can get the fuck away from me!" I screamed. I watched as his face distorted into a look of confusion as he stood up, reaching out to try and touch me. I flinched at the almost contact of skin and he dropped his arm. "You did this" I continued to yell, pointing at the deep purple bruises that enveloped my eyes. His face turned into a look of horror.

"I didn't do that to you Lily. I would never do that to you" he stated quietly. My brow furrowed slightly.

"Well how do you explain this then?" I questioned referring to the bruises.

"Lil, after the party.." he paused, "after the party, I saw Max grab you by the arm and begin pulling you out". I desperately racked my brain, trying to remember the events of that night but my mind was blank. "I followed you both out to make sure you were okay and I saw him hit you in the face. That's when I got involved. I pushed him off you and he started throwing punches at me. I punched him back and knocked him on the floor. I thought he was out so I checked on you. And turns out he wasn't out and he got back up and he tried to start hitting me again. We started fighting again and you tried to get inbetween us. That's when he turned to you and shoved you back. That's when you fell down and hit your head on the pavement."

I watched how he recalled the events, without breaking eye contact. I watched how his crystal blue eyes began to cloud over with tears. That is when my hear dropped. I realised he wasn't lying, he was telling the truth. I felt a sudden overwhelming wave of nausea wash over me, my stomach churning. I sunk back down to the floor, trying to focus on my breathing again.

"I promise I would never ever lay a finger on you, I would never deliberately harm you in any way." he sat back down beside me and I let myself sink into his embrace.

"I'm so confused" I muttered, desperately trying to make sense of what happened.

"When the ambulance was called, I got in with you, so did Mabel and Alex. But when we got to the hospital he was already there and he told the doctors that we couldn't visit you. Trust me we all tried but it was mission impossible trying to get into that hospital room" Chris began to stroke my hair out my face. "Please believe me" he pleaded, I nodded into his chest.

"I believe you" I whispered.

~~~

A.N ~ sorry about the long wait for this update. I have been racking my brain in where to go with this story but I had a sudden burst of inspiration so voila! Sorry about any spelling mistakes or anything that doesn't make sense, i haven't proof read it but i hope you enjoy xx