This is Me - Niall Horan Fanfiction

Chapter 3

Lilly’s pov

 

I decided to cook since Niall seemed a little out of it. I took out my phone and started playing my One Direction playlist. I began cooking breakfast. It didn't take long till breakfast was done. I began putting everything on the table. Then I told Niall that breakfast was done. He ran straight to the table and began piling food on his plate.

“Niall, I think there is enough food, you don't need to go piling it on your plate.”

“Yes I do, I'm hungry.”

“Ok, Niall.”

We began eating. Niall had 3 plates and I had 1.When we were finished, I began taking care of the dishes. Then Niall stopped me.

“You do not need to do this, I will.”

“No Niall, I need to, I need to earn my stay.”

“No Lilly, I want you here.”

“Why? I'm just a homeless girl.”

Niall then grabbed me and pulled me close to him. What is he doing? Then all of a sudden I feel his breath on my lips. His lips crashed into mine. My mind just stopped, my whole world stopped. This kiss it was like no other kiss. I felt so much inside. People say they feel sparks or butterflies. Well I felt fireworks. I kissed back and the kiss turned from passionate to heated. I finally got my brain working and I pushed Niall off. It’s not that I didn't want it, but it was that I don't deserve it. I ran to my bedroom and shut the door. Lucky there was a lock. I locked the door and searched for the razor. I needed to do this, I don't deserve a guy like Niall. I started playing the usual song that I do when I do this. “Amnesia”.

Nialls pov

 

I dont know what happened I thought this was the right thing to do. It felt so right. Why did she do that? She seemed ok with it, I mean she kissed me back. All of a sudden I heard crying and the song “Amnesia” playing. Should I give her some time? I just don’t know. I started going to her room, I had to do something. I hurt her feelings, I have to apologize. I knocked on her door and I heard her crying. I could hear her voice, but I couldn't make out the words she was saying. I knocked on her door and she didn't answer.

“Lilly please answer, I’m sorry. I didnt mean to hurt you. Can I please just talk to you?”

Still no answer. What could she be doing?

 

Lillys pov

 

I started playing “Amnesia”. The song brought up so many memories. I started crying. I picked up my razor and rolled up my sleeve. I have never cut on my arm, but I know this time its what I deserve. I put the razor against my skin and put pressure on it. The first cut was not very deep. I didn't feel anything so I applied more pressure this time much deeper I could feel the sting. I kept going till I had 6 cuts. Each cut had 2 lines. So all together 12 cuts. I saw the beautiful red droplets on my skin. I deserve all of this. As I was cutting myself, I was saying you deserve this. Niall kept knocking on my door, but I didn't care.

“Lilly please answer, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Can I please just talk to you?”

I didn't answer. All of a sudden Niall barged in the room.

“Lilly!”

I just stood there crying and holding the razor. Then I blacked out.

 

Nialls pov

 

I saw her laying there on the ground. Blood was everywhere. I could see the cuts on her wrist they were bleeding so much. I called 911 and I couldn't stop crying. Just seeing her there broken, it hurt so much. I bandaged up her arm and the ambulance showed up. They put her in the vehicle and I jumped in with her. I held her hand the whole way. They put her on oxygen. When we finally got to the hospital, they took her in a room and wouldn't let me in. I sat there and cried I mean, we are not together, but I love her and she may not want that, but I do. Whatever makes her happy. If us being together does, then thats amazing, but us not being together makes her happy, then I will deal with it. I want her to be happy. Thats all I want. I sat down in the waiting room wishing I could see her. After 4 hours a doctor showed up.

“How is she?”

“She is doing better everything is bandaged up. She is conscious, so you can see her now.”

“Ok, thanks.”

I began walking towards Lilly’s room. I was scared to see how she reacts. I mean, she didn't want anyone to know that she cuts herself. I wouldnt either. I want to know why she does it. I opened the door and saw her beautiful eyes. Oh how I'm glad I get to see those eyes. I never want to lose her, she is my everything, even though she doesn't believe it. I ran up to her and gave her the biggest Horan hug I could do . If only she knew how much she means to me. She started crying while I hugged her. I ran my hand through her hair as I quietly whispered in her ear sweet nothings. I want to mend all her broken pieces.Cause i'm in love with all her little things.