Sorry | Murphamy AU | vol.1

Ch.30 - Hello Jake.

I have my arms wrapped around his body, and when I can feel him fall asleep, I sigh, sadly and surprisingly, unable to do the same. 

3RD PERSON P.O.V.

"Hi, Bellamy. I know that you're asleep and that you won't hear this, and that's kinda the whole point. You made a speech when I could barely hear you so I thought I'd do the same." the boy whispers very softly. "Since day one. I've wanted to be your friend, but you didn't want to. You and your friends tore me down everyday, and I'm still not sure as to why. I was relieved when we got to high school, because you moved on. For a good three years, we didn't talk. I remember that time we made eye contact in the hall and the only reason I remember it is because it was the first time you smiled at me in a genuine way." Murphy scoffs lightly. "To be honest, my life was shit before you, Bell. Like I said before, I'm only telling you because you're asleep, but that night where we had that huge argument in front of your parents, wasn't the first time I've threatened to kill myself. Life was awful. I was still bullied by Mbege and a few others, my mom was.... well... my mom. Everything just sucked, and no one cared about me so I just thought no one would care if I left for good." he spoke with a sad smile into Bellamy's back. "Do you even know how much you saved me?  The first time we hung out for that project, and you pried to get to know me, you saved me. I was planning on finishing myself off that night. When you texted me about forgetting my sketchbook, you saved me. I'm not dumb, I know it was just and excuse to hangout with me, and I'm so happy you did. Depression really does suck, cause it comes with anger problems and anxiety. When I found someone that made it more or less vanish, I thought it was worth sticking around one more day." he spoke with a croaky voice, letting tears cascade down his cheeks. "I was never really a sentimental person till I really met you. You're the fucking light of my life... You make me feel worthy of living." he finishes with a sigh, hoping that sleep will soon take him as well.

What Murphy didn't know is that Bellamy had been awake his entire speech. As Murphy spoke softly, Bellamy's eyes watered.

Bellamy P.o.v

When Murphy utters those last few words, I can't help but flip over to face him. He's clearly shocked at me being awake. He stutters nervously, trying to explain himself, but I pull him in. My tears fall and so do his. I hold him to my chest, protecting him. I rub his back as he shakes, and with every sob, I hold him tighter. I replay his monologue in my head. It hit me like a ton bricks. If we hadn't been paired together for the science project, Murphy wouldn't be in my arms right now.

——

Every so often, I'll hear Murphy mumble, "Sorry..." into my chest. I shush him while playing with his hair. He's asleep before he can fully relax. Murphy has depression and it was only now sinking in. There was the time in the bathroom where he'd claimed that he was nothing but toxic to me, those days where he'd lay in bed, not moving and unresponsive, and the big argument in front of my parents where he lashed out. How stupid could I be. On the days where he didn't get out of bed, I'd accused him of being lazy. I wince at myself. He'd always respond with a sad smile, but... Ugh! why had I been so blind? I had always just assumed he'd been a very dramatic person. I'm so fucking stupid.

——

I wake up in the morning, and Murphy's no longer in my arms. I relax when I hear the shower. I get up, and try to come up with a reason as to why we were back so early.

Murphy walks back in, and it's almost funny how clean he is compared to me. "I've never been so happy to take a shower in my life." he states breathily, pulling out some clothes. I would talk about last night, but later. "Is there any hot water left?" I ask, jokingly and he nods. "Oh, I have an alibi." he brings up and I nod. "Tell me, but I'm sick of all this blood, so after I take my shower." I announce and he nods.