Dark to Light

First love and heartbreak

When I turned sixteen, I told my dad that I wanted to get a job. Which turned out to be a blessing and a curse because to me, I wanted something to do and making a little money to buy things here and there. What my dad heard was "ok, I'll start buying myself everything from here on out."
Our neighbor was working at a place nearby that was like a fast paced diner. You ordered your food at the register in the front and we brought the food out to you.
He was able to get me an interview and shortly after, I got the position as a waitress!
My only intention was to work there and go to school.
But of course, there just had to be this handsome boy also waiting tables with dark hair and tan skin. We're calling him "CD".
Knowing he was there gave me this newfound confidence boost.
I started to wear a little more makeup, do my hair a little nicer to wear under my hat.
I would catch him looking at me here and there and eventually we started to have conversation, flirt a little.
I would always hope he would be working the same shift and sad when he didn't.
I learned that he was a musician and played bass in a band, *swoon*.
We exchanged numbers and found out that he went to high school at a nearby school.
By the time things started with him, I was almost seventeen.
He asked me if I wanted to accompany him and his family to the beach and he would come to the door to pick me up and meet my dad.
Thankfully that went well and we were on our way to the beach. I remember being so nervous that I just completely lost my appetite. They packed this delicious sandwich and I could hardly bring myself to eat it. But he was so easy to be around and made me laugh.
Soon after we were spending a lot of time together and one day in his room he confessed that he loved me and I reciprocated with "I love you too".
It wasn't in that moment that I realized that I loved him but probably earlier on in that day when he decided to play me a song.
He was wearing a white T shirt and dog tags around his neck.
He sat on a seat behind his drum set as I was laying on his bed.
As he strummed and started singing, I was a little embarrassed because a man had never sung to me before. But to document the memory and the moment, I took a picture of him on my phone and decided in my mind, "I love this guy".
That night while we were in his bed watching a movie, I laid my head on his chest and felt safe and finally comfortable with whom I was with. I had no idea what was to come, though I didn't care. That moment was priceless.

On our most memorable date he invited me to see his band play at a cafe in the valley. I was so excited because he wanted to pick me up with him and his band mates. This was our first real date alone without our parents around.
There were other bands playing but his band was the main band that everyone showed up to see.
The other girlfriends and I sat backstage while the guys set up. While CD would pace back and forth setting up equipment, we would steal kisses from each other and just stare at each other in adoration. Before he was about to go on, we found a couple minutes for time together alone.
It was this night that he asked me to be his girlfriend as I smiled the biggest smile and said "Yes!" We then kissed one more time before he went on the stage.
Watching him play put a spell on me. I couldn't focus on anybody but him. I noticed him watch me too. Their sounds was fast, loud and aggressive. Everybody in the crowd started dancing hardcore and out of control till one person rammed past me and I flew to the floor. I couldn't help but laugh because I was happy to be a part of it.
When they were done playing, I watched as he was greeted by everyone and congratulated. His parents and sister were there so I gave them a moment. Then out of nowhere he came up behind me and swooped me off my feet. I knew it was him so I quickly turned around and gave him a kiss.
Once the next band was up to play, CD and I went to go watch as he held me from behind the whole time. I couldn't help but fall for him deeper and deeper in that moment.

Then it was gone. He started to become distant and I had no idea what was wrong. He blamed it on family issues and I was so heartbroken. He ended things and my whole world was shattered.
I thought he would come back to me right away, but that was not the case.
Days went by, which turned to weeks. I was a walking zombie. So I decided to take a journal and document my feelings thinking I would look back at these months and see how pathetic I had been. I began to grow angry with him. I thought I meant everything to him.