Rylin Riddle

chapter 11

November 7 (sunday)

        I didn't sleep at all last night. I slept on the floor to  avoid my bed, the place where it happened. Well no, I didn't sleep. Everytime I shut my eyes I picture it. I see him on top of me, I can't move, can't yell. I'm stuck. I just can't do it. I feel like a ghost of myself, even just today. I want to act normal but it all caught up to me. I felt ok with it yesterday off and on.

        Today, it's all gone. I can't think straight. I can't even eat without thinking I'm going to puke. I gag at the thought of food. I've avoided the group for the most part today,

        I've stayed in the dorm all day. I can't risk seeing Noah. I heard Theo beat him almost to death yesterday, so he's in the hospital wing. But what if he's out? What if I see him? What if he sees me? What if he tries something again? I couldn't live with it a second time, speaking I'm barely holding on now. I've especially avoided Theo. Some part of me is still really upset with him, even if he did save me. I just can't get over it.

        Laney convinced me to go downstairs with her to the common room for at least a little bit before we go to bed. I agreed, mostly just to get her to leave me alone. I went downstairs and saw my twin, Pansy, Draco, Blaise, and of course- Theo. Fuck. "Look who decided to join us for the first time all day." Draco smiled, welcoming me with his hands. I did miss seeing him today. I didn't even look in Theo's direction. I don't want to see him.

        I sat down with Laney on one of the couches and listened to them talk. I didn't really speak at all. Actually, I didn't say a single word.

        By the end of the night, aka like an hour later, we were all ready to start heading to our own dorms. Everyone made their way to their correlating dorm upstairs except Theo, Blaise, Laney, and I. Laney and Blaise were doing their typical goodnight thing and I started to walk to the stairs. I was not going to be stuck with Theo. I made it up the first step before I heard him. "Riddle, wait." Theodore Nott. I stopped in my tracks and took a deep breath before turning. "What, Nott?" My tone was harsher than I meant it to be.

        "I wanted to say sorry. It wasn't my place to say anything to your brothers. I was angry and acted dumb." Theo looked sincere. He was apologizing to me. Probably the first apology he's ever given in his life. I studied his expression. I was less than an inch taller than him up on this step, making it easier to really look. I just don't have it in me to do anything. I'm so mentally and physically drained I can't.

        "I don't know anymore, Nott. I got to go."

        My voice was soft, I'm not sure he could even hear me. I didn't give him a chance to say much more, I just turned around and walked up the steps.