Secret Desire (Nyssara FanFic)

Here With Me

That got a laugh out of Sara, which made everyone smile.

"You're really okay with this?"

"Yeah. I'd rather have my best friend who I know loves me to bits, than be with someone I've had a huge crush on who I know has feelings for someone else. With that someone being my best friend. Wow. Saying that out loud sounds totally..."

"Complicated." Nyssa finished for her.

"Just enjoy this. If she breaks your heart, we'll plan on what to do with her later."

Everyone felt more at ease and they enjoyed their meal while talking about plans for Sara's birthday and laughing of some other things.

Max and Sara went to walk aroung the place while Nyssa and Rebecca cleaned up.

"Have you told her?" Rebecca asked, putting the plates in the sink, while Nyssa washed the glasses.

"No."

"Not any of it?"

"I told her I have feelings for her."

"But you didn't say how much."

"No."

They continued washing, drying and putting the dishes back in their places.

"When will you tell her? At least how you really feel."

Nyssa sometimes hated how much Rebecca knew her and how much she probed at times.

"I can't."

"Why? Are you afraid she'll run off scared if she finds out? And I'm not talking about your feelings."

Nyssa looked at her with warning, but it never fazed Rebecca to say any more.

"I know about you, yet I'm here."

"You know a glimpse of some stories, Rebecca. You don't know all."

"Okay fine. But if she does end up feeling the same way as you do, she'll accept that."

"We'll find out when that time comes."

Nyssa was relieved when Rebecca seemed to have let go of the topic. She doesn't want to discuss any of that. She's scared of the what if's and might be's. She just want to be here at this moment with Sara.

Max and Sara sat down on the grass by the back of the house. The space was still very vast from where they were looking.

"So, what about your pen pal?"

"I don't know. I still want to meet him, but I don't know."

"It sucks for him, 'cause Nyssa's here and he's just words on a paper."

"I guess."

Max looked at her friend and saw there was still some sadness in her features.

"I wanted to be mad at you, but I just can't. Seeing you two together. It's different. Like in a whole lot better kind of way."

She smiled and gave Sara another glance but she just stared far out.

"You wanna know what she told me when I asked her if she was in love with you?"

When Sara didn't answer, she continued.

"She said you're the reason she stayed in Starling."

That caught Sara's attention. She looked at Max questioningly.

"Don't look at me. I have no idea. But it seemed like a big thing, and the way she said it..."

Sara leaned on Max's shoulder.

"I don't know what to do, Max. I think I'm falling for her. But I also want to give my 'secret admirer' a chance."

Max laughed a little.

"Sorry. I know you were being serious but hearing you say 'my secret admirer' was just weird and funny."

"I'm glad I seem to be amusing you."

"I hope we can go back to normal then?"

"I'm sorry about that."

"It's good. We'll be fine."

Nyssa and Rebecca joined them to sit by the grass. Nyssa sat beside Sara and held her hand. Sara pulled her closer to her side. Rebecca sat beside Max and looked at the two then to Max.

"Is there any objection if I ask Max out on a date? I know things are kinda weird now, I just thought let's keep it coming."

"If she's okay with it, fine by me." Sara gave her approval. She knew how well they were getting along lately and how much they were spending time together, it wouldn't hurt to try. She smiled to herself as she realized it also applies to her and Nyssa.

"Nyssa?"

"No objection here."

"What do you say, Max?"

"I think I just went through a very complicated break up with a girl who is now together with my best friend, but what the hell. Yes."

They all sat there contented with where things are with the person sitting next to them.

--------------------------

I lie awake at night wishing that you were there right beside me. I wake up in the morning wishing it's your face I see. I look myself in the mirror and ask, "Could it ever be?" Could she ever love me for me.

~ME

Sara read it together with Nyssa. She had spent the night there with her and was glad that she brought the letters with her. She wouldn't have been anxious to read the next one when she wakes up and didn't have them with her.

"Aren't you jealous?"

"Of this?"

"Yeah."

"Should I be?"

"Why don't you just answer? What if I say yes, you should be."

"Then okay, maybe."

"Only maybe?"

"What do you want me to say? I can't bear to see you with anyone else other than me? I'm scared that you'd realize that there's someone out there better for you and you'd leave me?"

Sara was touched with all the heart bearing words Nyssa had said. She smiled and gave her a kiss.

"A 'Yes, I'm jealous' would have suficed. But that works too."

Nyssa smiled herself and returned the kiss.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"What do you mean by I'm the reason you stayed in Starling?"

"It means what it means. It's a long story, we'll get to that some other time."

Nyssa didn't want to discuss that yet with her, because discussing that means delving deeper into her feelings, her story, her true self. It's something she's not ready to do yet.