Am I Worth Your Time?

Part 20

I had spent all day in my room because I didn't feel in the mood for anything. Todays just one of those days where my mom was just sitting inside my head

I heard a knock on the door

"Come in. If it's Alice get out" I grumbled into my pillow loud enough that you could hear me through door

"Hey baby girl" I heard my dad say softly

I sighed and sat up "Hi Dad" I ran my hands down my face and through my hair

"Can we talk for a little?" He asked me

I nodded and moved over in bed. He took a seat next to me on my bed and put his arm around me "I know you're not ok, but is there anything I can do?" He asked me

"I wish dad." I said

"Well then talk to me" he said

I sat trying not to cry as my dad waited. I really liked talking to my dad and opening up to him, but ever since the day my mom died it felt so much harder

"Everytime I close my eyes I see mama" I started "But everytime it's that day I found her" my voice cracked at the end "She died in my arms" I said before I let go and the tears started to fall

My dad held me tight as I sobbed "It wasn't fair! She didn't do anything" my voice cracked with every word

He hushed me and told me it was going to be alright

"Nothings alright! Mamas gone and it wasn't even her fault. She didn't do anything!" I looked up to him. I attempted to bite my lip to stop my quivering chin, but it was no use. He wiped my tears with his thumbs and kissed my forehead

"Trust me, I know how you feel baby. I loved your mother with every ounce in my being. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her. I've been in love with her for so long, way before you guys were even thought about, way back before I knew what I wanted to do with my life, and even before I knew what love was, back when we were stupid teenagers." He said to me. I could see the unshed tears in his eyes "But I promised your mother if anything ever happened to one of us we'd find someone who would be here for you guys and also ourselves"

I closed my eyes trying to stop the tears "I can't do this on my own Toby. I need love." He said referring to Alice "But most of all, I made a promise to the love of my life and I will never ever break my promise to her" he said as a tear escaped his eyes

I gave him a big hug digging my head into his chest "I love you Dad. Please don't leave me" I said in a vulnerable tone

"I would never ever dream of doing such a thing sweetheart" he said kissing the top of my head "I love you too"

There was another knock followed by the door opening revealing Rad

"Can I join?" He asked with already tear stained cheeks and red puffy eyes

"Of course buddy. Come here" Dad opened his arm for Radley to lay on the opposite side

Rad quickly got under the covers and cuddled up to dad's other side "You miss mama too?" I asked him. He nodded

"Welcome to the club" we sat and talked about random things until we all fell asleep
-
It was the next day and I felt bad for ignoring Dylan all day yesterday, but yesterday was just too hard. I wanted to see her, but I closed myself off to her

I sat in the kitchen playing with the cereal in my bowl

"What's up with you?" Dad asked ruffling my hair as he grabbed a mug from behind me

"I asked Dylan to be my girlfriend" I said still playing with the food

"Did she say no?" He asked