Rectify | Bucky Barnes

Chapter Fourteen

I feel a sharp pain behind my eyes as I wake up and hear someone moving around in the kitchen. I rub my eyes and sit up, feeling nauseous. I may have overdone it just a little bit last night. I look to see who's in the kitchen and see Tony there, dragging his feet as he goes to open the fridge. He takes a few eggs out and fries them, I can tell he feels just about as bad as I do from his mannerisms. I go to sit on a stool and watch him fry the eggs, which smell delightful. 

"Here, you might need these." He opens a bottle of painkillers and sets a few on the counter. I nod graciously and go to the sink, filling up my mouth with water before swallowing the pills. Tony takes his plate and meanders off somewhere. I lay my head on the cool stone countertop, wishing the hangover from hell would go away soon because I know Steve is counting on us training some more today. 

The elevator door opens and I hear soft footsteps come towards me, but I don't want to look since it would only make my headache worse. 

"Rough night?" I hear Natasha's voice in front of me. 

"Just a little." I say and lift my head to meet her gaze. She has a slight smirk on her face and says nothing more as she prepares her breakfast. 

"Seems you and Tony had quite the night." She sits beside me at the island. 

"He was down here when I showed up last night, he walked off somewhere." I say and look down the hall. She takes a bite of her toast,

"That's kind of typical of him. Is everything okay?" She asks, sipping on her glass of water. I debate whether I should tell Natasha what's going on or not. It would be better than keeping it all inside, but I don't know if she would relay the information to Steve, or someone else. I sigh, realizing that unloading my thoughts and feelings is more beneficial and the chances of her talking to Steve about this is probably relatively low.

"When Bucky and I were back at the bunker, we grew closer to each other, and I think we both have an attraction to one another. Nothing actually happened, but if Steve hadn't come to get us when he did, something would have happened. But, I know we can't be involved with each other like that and I set a boundary last night. I didn't want to set the boundary but I know this way I'll still be around to help him, I can't lose him again." I say quietly. Natasha takes another drink of her water and scratches her head. 

"I understand, it can be hard working with someone when there are underlying feelings there. But look at Tony, he's with Pepper who started as his personal assistant. Steve loved Peggy who was his superior back in the day." She says and my eyebrows raise slightly in surprise. I didn't know any of this information. But I can't help but feel as though their situations were under different circumstances than the ones Bucky and I are under. 

"I guess it's something to think about." I say, not having anything else to offer the conversation. Though I've only been around Natasha briefly, I feel a warmness about her, she seems genuine and I like that. It would be nice to have another friend around, one that isn't so heavily involved in my day to day life. She smiles to me as she cleans up her breakfast and I leave the island to walk outside.

It's a warm sunny morning, and the birds are still chirping. I lay on the grass and close my eyes, still waiting for my headache to go away before Steve comes down and wants to get the day started. As I lay in the grass, I think about what Natasha said regarding Tony and Steve's relationships. They both got involved with someone they work with, and kept their jobs. However, I still feel as if I have a duty to fulfill to Bucky whereas neither Steve nor Tony had the sole responsibility of helping their partner. In a perfect world things would work out for us, but, the world is far from perfect. 

I keep reminding myself that we'll still see each other every day and I plan to stay in his life for as long as I can, even after I remove the programming from his mind. Until he tells me to leave, I'll be here for him. I know he's upset with me right now, but hopefully he comes to realize it's for the best that we don't get too intimately involved with one another. Hopefully I can truly convince myself of the same thing.