The Lies He Spoke

TWENTY NINE

"That's no reason to be an asshole."

Blake pulled away. "I said it's okay, Andy. I promise. It's fine."

Andy was quiet for a long time. He looked away from Blake's eyes. "I get it if you want me to move."

Blake's eyes nearly bulged from his head. He was not expecting that. "Are you trying to get rid of me or something?" he asked incredulously.

"I'm giving you the option to get rid of me," Andy said tightly.

"I just gave you a hug because I thought we were friends. We drove around last night together so I thought we were friends. You drove me to Logan's house and sat with me at the hospital and saw me cry and that definitely made me think we were friends. And I sat here all morning long instead of going to my history of ancient civilizations class because I thought we were friends. Are we not friends?"

"To be fair, you never go to that class."

"So we are friends! We're such good friends you know which classes I'm ditching. And friends don't get rid of each other. They do not have that option. Like, ever. It's not on the options list. And I couldn't ask for a better roommate because I can't cook. So even if you wanted to leave, you couldn't. I would make you stay."

Blake came to a complete stop in his speech there, because his mind was running to other reasons why he didn't want Andy to ever even consider that leaving was an option, and he couldn't voice those out loud.

Still, his words drew a small smile on Andy's face. "You're not too bad at making people feel better, Blake," he said.

"And you know what? Not too bad people make friends with not too bad people. That means you. You are not too bad either. So don't put yourself down.

"And I know that right now you think you're not too good of a brother because you don't know what you're doing. But once, a really wise person whose name starts with an and ends in dy told me not to blame myself for something I didn't know about."

He gave Andy a gentle nudge with his arm. "Listen to that wise person. I think he knew what he was talking about."

Andy shook his head. His lips were trembling. "I just don't know what to do for her," he said, his voice dropping down to a whisper. "I don't know."

"It's okay if you don't know," Blake said quietly. "You're a human being. You don't have all the answers. But doing as much as you know - being there for her, looking for her, talking to her about this - you do all that."

"I'm not doing it right. It's not helping," Andy said weakly.

And Blake knew that sometimes it didn't help. Sometimes, if the person didn't also work to be helped, it was much harder for things to get better.

"I'm sorry," Blake said, because he was, and he knew Andy was carrying a terrible hurt, and he knew it was something that was very difficult to lessen.

*****

Michelle was discharged to the rehab center later that day. Andy dropped Blake off at their apartment, then went by himself to be with her the rest of the day. He came back home late in the evening and collapsed on the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table.

"You want to eat something?" Blake asked, pulling open the fridge and taking out containers.

Andy glanced over the couch. "Did you actually make something?"

"I ordered takeout. Indian."

"Even better. Yes, please, I'm starving."

Blake warmed up the food in the microwave and brought it to Andy, then sat in the chair opposite him and put his feet up too. While Andy ate, Blake sat with him and continued reading Elijah's case file. His eyes were tired. He had been at it all day and there was still nothing. He was starting to feel obsessed.