Bloom in the rain

B2 - ep 1. New beginnings.

For years I felt abandoned. I felt like I wasn't worth anything, especially my life. But when I met David it's like everything changed...he brings out the best in me...he brings out the happiness

David is my angel, he saved me...so many times I've wanted to give up but he gave me reasons not too.

But my number one reason, leyanna and Dj...

My family.

I have a family, a true family, a family that loves me and cares for me.

I love David so much...and I appreciate him so much...I feel like such a new person. Yet I'm still dealing with the same issues I deal with them a lot better now, I'm still dealing with things I don't like talking about, like suicide.

I've thought of it so many times ever since I've had Dj it's getting to a point where I can't control the thoughts, leyanna and Dj are my main reasons for not leaving. I would rather be in pain knowing my children have their mother rather than being free and my children growing up with the emotional pain of me not being around and because of mental issues.

I'll just push through.

It's been 4 months since Lucas has passed away, it's also been 3 months since Dj has been born, and my life has been a roller coaster.

One minute im so happy for bringing a new life into the world. Then the next I feel like I took one away.

I never got to talk to Lucas. I never got to tell him what he did and how it affected not just me but how it affected leyanna. I know I shouldn't want to talk to him but I just want to be able to express those feelings.

Speaking of my feelings, I had mixed ones with his passing. I felt happy, but grief.

Cause he's my child's father, even tho him taking me in WASNT the best, him taking me in kept my life from ending faster if was to stay with my Step father.

But i was happy, relieved that he isn't a burden in my life anymore, even tho his existence will still be here, he himself won't be. That's what I'm afraid of.

Now I'm just living life. Going day by day with no plan...

And Even tho me and David weren't on best of terms at the moment, he's helped me so much the past few months.

••••••••••

"So...let's get deep into this convo, everyone share how they felt about George Floyd's death a few months back, just so you know George Floyd was an African American man who was "accused" of having a fake 20 dollar bill which was later confirmed by the cashier and owner of the store it was a mistake. Police officer Derek chauvin was the one who was stepping on his back and neck which ultimately killed him, Atleast that's the story I know and heard of, but please correct me if I'm wrong. Maybelle id like to start with you first"

Jordynns professor said pointing toward the new girl maybelle in her class,  the girl looked up and blushed a bit before setting her pen down.

"Uhm, what happened to mr Floyd was terrible and I wish the best for his family and mostly his daughter that he sadly was forced to leave here with him"