Dedicated to/requested by Annie (@/5sos.ashxx on IG)
Annie- This was a pleasure to write for you. Enjoy xx
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Its a beautiful day, but you don't care. You lean on the table facing out the window, all the butterflies and birds floating about, but your heart is too heavy. Being sad sucks and it makes you feel so dreadfully lonely. But you know he is on his way home, and that is enough to keep you from crying. For now.
You eyes throb from your current tears, your cheeks feeling itchy, and your head slightly aches. You wanted to relieve your pain, you wanted to feel something in your moment of darkness. But as you laid the metal to your skin, you remembered how sad his face was last time he found your cuts. The glistening in his eyes hurt what your heart has left, so today you put it down and walked away.
The door clicks, an actual smile spreading on your face as you hear his keys fall into the glass bowl by the door and the clinking sound makes its way to your ears. He makes his way to you, a small smile on his face that doesn't quite reach his eyes, he can tell you've been having a day. He can easily see the tear stains down your cheeks and slight puffiness around your eyes.
He doesn't ask any questions, he doesn't make you spill your feelings, knowing words can't make it better anyways, so he just walks over to you and embraces you. He pulls you tight to his chest, his scent wafting into your nose and you wrap your arms around his waist. You breathe him in, feeling your muscles relax some before his large hands slide over your shoulders in the opposite directions to run up the back of your arms, truly giving you the biggest hug ever. It makes you smile, this caring cuddle.
He kisses the top of your head and then rests his cheek there, holding you until you feel some of your pieces press together, so grateful for him. When you eventually pull away from each other, he kisses your forehead and then takes your hand to lead you to the sitting area. He grabs a cozy throw blanket and sets it on your lap before grabbing his worn guitar, playing you anything you request or the current songs in his mind that make him think of you.
A beautiful melody rings out from his fingers picking at the guitar strings, bringing a smile to your face as the chords help your shoulders feel just a bit lighter. You close your eyes, letting the sounds of his guitar that he creates freely from his own imagination induce colors and shapes behind your lids. He begins to hum along, again his own made up tune, and you rest your head on his shoulder, his sway stifling so he can stay near you. It's so beautiful.
You feel the breath flow into your lungs, rejuvenating your blood and cells, before exhaling the darkness you've felt all day. His hum stops as he begins to lightly pick and strum, the same beautiful melody as before until he stops and puts the guitar away. He walks over to the record case, running his long pointer finger over the vinyls hidden in their sleeves before he picks your favorite. The disc slowly slides from its case and into his gentle palm before he opens the record player lid, turning on the old school device.
With extreme nurture, he carefully places the vinyl over the spindle before adjusting the settings, knowing which ones go perfectly with your favorite, of course. He places the cartridge on the edge, the classic smooth static sound leaking through the speakers before the first song takes over, making you smile. He grins at your smile, grateful to see it on your beautiful face.
He sits in the corner of the couch, bringing his leg up flat against the backrest before patting his thighs, beaconing you. You oblige before his long strong arms wrap around your waist and he pulls your back into his chest, sweetly kissing the crook of your neck. His face lingers there, resting against your skin as he breathes you in, your scent and presence a comfort to him too. Your hands run over his arms embracing you, feeling his taut muscles underneath as he hums in your ear, so content, so happy you are his.
His arms release and he grabs your wrists, turning then up before he delicately moves your sleeves to check for new marks. You hear his small exhale of relief as his thumbs run over your scars. He straightens and shifts to the other side of you while he pulls your wrist to your shoulder, gently kissing the raised lines. He moves back to the other side and does the same, giving a long tender kiss to your other wrist that still contains the healing wound.
He wraps his arm tightly around you again, feeling emotional and so loved at his compassionate acceptance of you. It hurts him to see your pain, to see your attempts of escape and he hopes you will love your body and learn to cherish it the way he has. He wants you to respect this beautiful body that allows him to find peace, this beautiful body that allows him to experience euphoria, you beautiful body that allows him to hear your giggle when he tickles your ribs, your beautiful body that allows him to kiss you, your beautiful body that allows him to hold you right now in this moment.
His embrace loosens and he lounges back, getting comfortable as you do the same and lean your head on his chest. You listen to the music, closing your eyes to rest in the sound before his fingers slowly brush through your hair. They sink deep to the roots, the sensation along your scalp insatiable while he pulls away, bringing your strands with him.
They fall back to your shoulder as he slowly releases them, then starts over. The repetition of his movements relax you fully, your body melting into his as his heat envelopes you and you become cocooned in his loving presence. You exhale, peace finally reaching you and snuggle deeper into his body, thankful to be loved, appreciated, accepted, and valued by this outstanding human being.
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Hey! It's Nik.
It's okay to not be okay, but please don't harm yourself. You are beautiful and amazing and I know it feels like your body lets you down, or the world lets you down, but cherish your wonderful body and value it. There are many ways to release your pain and fight the urge. I pray you find an alternative and if I could I would kiss my fingers and press them to your scars. 💋 💜
