What Anxiety Feels Like (DNF/ Dream not found angst)

Dark past

They snuggled comfortably on the couch after that. They wanted to let the internet react fully before checking what they said.

George was on edge at first but finally let himself relax a bit. The conversations started out about what happened but shifted to more general topics after a while.

It was nice to talk about other things. Even though he know the internet was probably breaking down right now.

"When I was younger I loved the sun. Which is funny because I never leave my house now. But back in Florida I would lay on the grass and just soak in the sun for hours. That's why I have so many freckles. Sometimes I would even act dead and freak out drivers." Dream motioned at his freckled face while George just stared at him fondly laughing.

"I like hearing about your childhood. I can imagine a little gremlin Dream running around causing panic" Dream laughed and quickly got to his defense.

"Hey! It's not my fault everyone was boring. I needed to spice up my neighborhood somehow." They both laughed and rested further back into the couch. It was comforting. They both loved it. "Can you tell me about when you were younger? You never really spoke about it in all the time I knew you. You don't have to if you don't want to of course"

The question made George pause. It's true he never spoke about his childhood. Through all the years of knowing his friends he always avoided the topic. He avoided most topics about himself actually. Dream knew him best simply because he would learn things about him without George saying them. He never really spoke about his past at all. 

That was almost funny thinking about after the stream he just had. Oh how things change.

"Well... there isn't much to know" dream shot him a 'common now' look and he just laughed. "Fine fine. I was a quite kid. Didn't get into much trouble didn't have many friends. I spent the majority of my time alone in my room. Sometimes I wonder if that added to my anxiety. The fact that I never did anything. Guess I'll never know for sure"

He was quite after that hoping it would suffice as an answer but not quite as dream added, "go on" in a gentle voice. George just sighed.

"See, my entire childhood just circles around my anxiety. I was playful when I was really young. Like baby young. Supposedly I loved to climb on counters and grab all the sweets I could before running and eating them all. I would play with random kids at playgrounds but If they touched my stuff supposedly I would wack them on the head" George motioned to a slap on the head and Dream let out a bright laugh.

It was obvious just looking at him how happy Dream was hearing this from him. It was like his eyes lit up and sparkled at every detail. It made George feel listened to. Like what he was saying mattered. It was nice.

"There was a sudden switch according to my parents. One day I was playing with kids and the next I didn't want to get anywhere near them. I vaguely remember this. I remember getting a horrible feeling when thinking of doing anything which stopped me from wanting to. Soon after that I had my first panic attacks that my parents mistook as temper tantrums.   They scared my mom so she took me to the doctor and I got diagnosed. That's basically where my childhood ends." George became quieter as he finished rambling. He didn't mean to but couldn't help it. He didn't even realize he remember that much. Felt weird saying it out loud after all these years of keeping it to himself.

"How did it end George?" Dream's voice was soft. It was the most comforting thing he's heard in his life. It made him feel a safety he's never felt when he was younger.

He tried his best not to get uncomfortable but these are things he's never shared to anyone before. It's hard trying to explain things you never put into words.