Feel Real

Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

I was woken by a creaking door opening, letting light into my dark room. Looking around I saw my new home: A bed and a small window. My hands were wrapped and my clothes were changed. My new home. A dark room for me to think about life and all that has happened. High security area. What the life.

                “Hello, Casey,” the silhouette said. It was Racheal.

                “Hi,” I said my voice rusty and raw. I was taken aback by the sound of my voice, it was unfamiliar and disgusting.

                “Welcome to high security, honey. It’s Tuesday; you have been sleeping for a day. I’m sure you’re hungry. After you eat you will come to me and we will have a therapy session. For the first week no visitors. Not even family. After that there will be multiple sessions including your parents and then multiple alone sessions. After that first week Sammy and Daniel can come and visit you whenever they want between eight and eleven and then five and ten. I’m sure they’ll try to come down here anytime anyway but they won’t be allowed to ditch sessions. The therapy here is very strict and intensive. Most of the day you will be in therapy and when you’re not then you’ll be eating. Security guards are all over, they will escort you to meals and sessions. A security guard watches each hall to make sure there are no events. You can use the bathroom whenever, just yell out the door and the security guard will come and get you. Meals are at seven, noon, and six. Be there right on time. Our first session is in thirty minutes. Okay?”

                I just stared at Racheal, her words a mumble. I hated this place already. It was strict and contained; no adventures with Daniel. Adventures with Daniel. Why would I ever want to go on an adventure with Daniel? He kept me from my dying brother. When outsiders can visit he will not be allowed. I hate him.

                “Okay, Casey?” Racheal asked louder.

                “Whatever,” I whispered.

                Racheal rolled her eyes at me and shut the door. What happened to the Racheal who encouraged me? Who told me to stand up for myself and not take shit from no one? That Racheal is gone, obviously. High security changes people, both staff and patients. These patients don’t know me; they don’t praise me like the others do, if the others still do. They probably think I’m weak now, not worth their admiration. Oh well. Nothing matters anyway. All I have to do is fake getting better and once I get out I can kill myself for real. There will be no Sam to stop me, no Sammy or Daniel to talk me out of it. My parents will obliviously leave me alone in my room, unknowing of my hidden razors. I’ll bleed out on my tile bathroom floor, my throat cut open with a pool of blood under me. That sounded so good right now. Release. Bliss. Death is what I need, not drugs or therapy.

                My room was lonesome. I could feel myself becoming more insane within it. The little light I had didn’t help much. A dark, empty room allows for thinking. The pain of my brother’s death choked me. My entire body was numb with pain, my lungs burning with every breath, my heart shooting pain through my body with every thump, my head rushing with thoughts and images. This pain had to be worse than dying, worse than any other pain. The pain of loss cannot be cured by drugs or any doctor; it seeps into your bones, staying until you rot.

                The door opened in what felt like an eternity later. Time would pass slowly in here, nothing better to do than sleep and mourn.

                “Time to talk, honey. Hopefully you’re still as vocal as the normal you. Talking will be your profession in here,” Racheal told me, helping me up and staying close as we walked through the hospital. This was my first time seeing it. It was dark. More depressing than the general area. Lots of guards and doors with evident locks. There are people in here that can kill people, will kill people, if not contained. The mentally ill run free with death, either killing themselves or the ones around them.