Feel Real

Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Thanks to Sammy's comment I got absolutely no sleep. I woke before her at seven. I sat and stared at her until her eyes fluttered open. She fell off of the bed, probably in terror of seeing me watching her. After catching her breath she stood up and started laughing. I gave her a concerned glare as she counted to laugh and point at me. This place is so weird. Or is it more the people than the place? Probably more the people, who after one day I have learned are very interesting, my roommate included.

"You okay?" I asked her.

"I thought I was going to die. Thanks for the scare. Should do that more often to start off the day," Sammy said, sarcastically.

"You're a sarcastic little bitch, you know that?" I joked with her.

She smiled and laughed. "Sarcasm is the only thing that keeps me sane. I'm not the bitch, you are."

I smiled and laughed. What? Happiness escaping my lips in this place? I never laugh. But here, the action is so effortless. Ironic, if you ask me.

"It's what keeps me sane. And I am glad that after a day we can throw around words like 'bitch' with no emotional effect."

Sammy shrugged. "Maybe we're destined to be best friends."

We looked at each other, smiles crossing our lips. Then, we both threw our heads back in a fit of laughter. Even though I have been here for only twenty four hours I am more than grateful for Sammy. She will help me through this mental hospital thing. Maybe she was right; we could be destined to be best friends. No other person has made me laugh but her. Our personalities collide in the best way.

I learned that breakfast was served from seven to nine every day. Lunch was always served between noon and one. Dinner was served between five and six. Having scheduled meals wouldn't be a problem. Like the typical person my mother grew me up to be I don't even eat breakfast. And my lunches are extremely small but I go ape at dinner. But, I wasn't even hungry. Maybe it was the new setting or the two hours of sleep I got or Daniel. Or the fact I don't eat breakfast.

Daniel wasn't at breakfast which was relieving. Around him I felt like I always had to put up a front, hiding my emotions from him. Like Sammy mentioned last night, he made me feel. And I don't enjoy feeling. After not feeling for years I'd rather ease into feeling rather than plunge head first. Honestly, I'd rather not feel at all. I guess Sammy did make me feel. She made me feel happy and like a teenager. With her alone we gossiped and talked about our past lives. My life was fresh in my mind but distant even though I only left it yesterday. Sammy on the other hand had been in here for nine months. All her memories of life before the hospital were faint. But, one thing remained the same between Sammy in the hospital and the Sammy before; they both don't give a shit.

Sammy was an outcast, like she had told me yesterday. But, the girl was brilliant. She would be in college level everything right now. And, like Daniel, she had a full ride to Yale waiting for her once she got out of here. Guess Yale only cares about how smart people are, not their mental stability. Although she hung out with burn-outs Sammy never did drugs. She went to parties all the time but still maintained good grades. But she felt empty, as most depressed souls do. Like she didn't belong in her own body, which I could understand. Sammy didn't belong with the burn-outs, she belonged with the honor roll students. And that's why she became depressed and tried to kill herself.

After coming here she tried to commit suicide two more times. For a while she was even locked up in the high security unit; until she met Daniel. Daniel had been there over a year by the time Sammy came across him. She said he was the first person to make her feel. Soon they became really close and Daniel's help allowed Sammy to be let out of her high security home. She didn't have a roommate for a while, the counselors still being safe. But every day she spent with Daniel she felt more like herself. She said he was a brother to her.