Feel Real

Chapter 12

                “I don’t understand why you’re depressed,” Sammy said, looking at me with a confused look. “You seem so happy all the time. You are so optimistic and…I just don’t get it…”

                “I don’t understand why you’re here either but we all have our own demons, even the ones who have the best life.”

                Sammy looked down and started chuckling, shaking her head.

                “What?” I asked, leaning into her.

                “You say you don’t write well beautifully but you say the most quote worthy things, Casey.”

                I shrugged.

                “Don’t act so humble. Write one day. Just sit at the computer and bleed; it’s easy I promise you. The thoughts just come.”

Daniel knocked at my door after dinner was over with and I was talking to Sammy.

                “My dear, tonight we will be enjoying a movie night in the common area. The entire ward is joining us.” He smiled his big smile that makes me wonder why his cheeks never hurt. Strange to think behind that smile was a little boy screaming and crying about his lost parents and dead brother.

                “Sounds perfect.”

                “Down in ten minutes okay?”

                I nodded and he walked out. I was about to turn to Sammy to talk to her but Daniel ran back in, jumping on me and kissing me.

                “Sorry,” he said, “I couldn’t contain myself.”

                When Daniel walked out again and I knew for sure that he wasn’t coming back I looked at Sammy. She stared at me, a mix of unreadable emotions expressed on her face.

                “Your relationship inspires me. It’s that light in all the darkness and is so beautiful.”

                I started smiling uncontrollably, lifting my sheets to cover my smile. I am so happy. So, so, so happy. Love is an amazing human emotion. It can make you feel invincible when it’s around. I can do anything when I am with Daniel. I feel such an overwhelming feeling I cannot express when I am around. One that makes my chest hurt and my stomach churn. But when it’s taken away it kills, like a dagger to the heart. Each breath a struggle to find a meaning to this never ending hell hole called life. So cherish the good. And remember, the pain you’re feeling today will not amount to the love you’ll feel on day. It’s true for me.

                I ran down to the main area and jumped on Daniel’s back, taking him off guard. Surprisingly, he stayed strong, steady as a rock, even though he didn’t expect me. This boy’s strength impresses me every day.

                I kissed him on the cheek and then jumped off his back, taking his hand. I lifted his hand; finger’s intertwined with mine, up to my face, leaning into his touch.

                As Daniel talked to all the patients, the nurses watching in awe, I leaned into him, playing with him. I think the nurses all secretly have a crush on Daniel. He’s such a strong, handsome, smart, genuine, gentleman of a guy that they all wish their husbands were like or hope their sons are like. Thank God I have him. Thank God. Thank God.

                Tonight we would be watching mostly PG movies but there was an occasional PG-13, a gift from the nurses. I love my nurses. And the staff here. They give so much to me and everyone here. All they want to do is help; and I am so goddamn thankful for that.