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when i was dying

i think it is really fucked up

to start a sentence like this

everyone complimented me

on slowly turning to ashes

'you look so pretty dear'

they said

and i heard

'try harder'

when someone is suffering

from lung cancer

you don't light them a cigarette

you don't

you don't hand a suicidal person

a loaded gun

unless you want them to die

so why did you?

why did you hand me a gun?

what was i supposed to do with it?

besides pulling the trigger

when you are sixteen

and at some point

we all are

nothing is as easy as dying

without anyone noticing

dying isn't like it is in the movies

a 60 second sequel

with blood and wounds and lots of noise

it is quiet a long-term-process

you do not recognise the dead

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