Miss Matched

Chapter 35: The Other Side Of The Story

My heart skips. You already won me over before that.

"... I can't sleep that night and when I went out on the balcony I saw you. I called you and I thought that this might be the chance that fate was giving me turns out I was bloody wrong, I wasn't ready to tell you and I don't want to lose you so I ask your help, I told you that I like Jill. I saw it as a chance to buy more time with you. I know that would make things complicated but it's the only way I saw. The following morning, Sugarscape happened. I try to take the blame away from you but you just won't let me do that. Then everyone started shouting and before I know it you already ran out of the room. Jill wasn't angry that you went out with me, it's the fact that you didn't tell her when you had the chance to, she felt left out.."

"... I went out to find you then, I saw crying. It hurted me a lot to see you like that and the worse is I couldn't be more than just a shoulder to cry on. I wanted to tell you badly that you have me and you could forget about everything but I can't. I saw that you were hurt because Harry got mad at you and  the only thing that will make you happy again is if things between you and him are all going well again. You don't know how badly I wanted you to just stay in my arms but that's not what you want. It hurted me a lot to say to you to get him but, what can I do? You like him..."

I bit my lip as tears started pouring out again. I didn't know I was hurting him that bad. I didn't know he felt that way. 

"... then your birthday came, I can't think of any gift for you. I want something that you'll always have with you for the entire night or even for the entire week and that why I gave you a tattoo 'cause I know that at least even if you're with him, you still have a piece me in you. I wanted to tell you so badly how I felt so I thought that tonight would be a good time and not right now 'cause if ever you rejected me tonight I have the whole night to suffer for it but if I told you know, I'd have to pretend that everything's all right no matter what. That piece of paper that I showed Jill was supposedly yours, those words are yours. It happened all so fast that I don't know what I was doing the last thing I remember was seeing you and Harry about to kiss then after that, I was asking Jill to be my girlfriend already..."

Tears streams down his cheek as he continues on, I want to be there with him so badly.

"... She said no 'cause she knows that I love you. I look for you around but you weren't there and so was Harry. I know that you might be with him right now and that breaks me 'cause what if he had the same plans like I did. I couldn’t-..." he pauses, struggling for words

"... When you found me drunk and asked me what's wrong I wanted to tell you that it's you but then I saw you crying and that's not what you need. So when I told you that the girl I love doesn't love me, I was referring to you. You and only you..."

I flinch. That was me. I didn't know.

"... We spend the night together and that's the happiest night of my life and when we woke up that morning, I pretended to not know what happened last night. But I did. I remember everything. It was weird that I was-... that I was the first one to take it all the way with you...” he smiled "... I got you even before Harry did and the way you looked at me that morning gave me a glimmer of hope. We kissed that same day, even if it was a screen kiss, I felt happier than ever, to do it in front everyone. It's like I could pretend that everything was going the way I wanted to, That same day, you were in trouble again.."

He closes his eyes and pressed his temples

"... Michael, yes. I do remember that arsehole's name. He tried to do something bad to you. You don't know how hard it is not to break him; I wanted him to suffer just for thinking of you that way. You were hurt and no one can hurt you when I'm around. I saw how worried you are for me and everything was worth it. I felt that you love me after all..."

I shudder as I remember him get beat up, it was the most horrible thing I've seen yet and now he's saying that it's worth it just because he felt that I love him after all. It's not worth it. I'm not worth it.

"... Harry told me that the reason you pretended was because you thought that Jill was my girlfriend, she wasn't. That kiss that you saw was a mistake. I was gonna kiss her on the cheek but then she turned to the right because she said heard footsteps making my kiss land on her lips instead. I was really gonna tell you that time but then you and Harry showed up. You're already taken. I don't wanna say goodbye to you but there's nothing more I could do but then I notice your swollen eyes, I wanna ask what's wrong but I was afraid that I might just hurt myself if I did..."

"... Jill stuck by me for she says she couldn't bear to see Harry and you together, Yes. she loves him. We pretended to be dating hoping that by doing this, the pain might go away but it doesn't it just gets heavier and heavier each day. Seeing you with him was the worst nightmare I could imagine and now it came true..."

I sob. He's got it even worse than mine 

"After that, you know everything there is I began telling you that I love you even though I know it's wrong but I was still hoping that maybe you'd change your mind. That's it.  You know now everything"

He wipes his tears away

I sat there dumbfounded. I didn't know what he went through because of me and I make him feel even worse for it. I punish him for hurting me, not knowing I was already 'causing him twice the pain yet he didn't say anything. 

He loved me so much and I didn't know it.

"... I'm sorry that I was a coward, that I didn't tell you how I feel earlier, I was just afraid of losing you to Harry, to anyone. I'm sorry for hurting you but I'm just human and I don't know what to do. I just want you to be happy and yet I end up hurting you. I know even if I say sorry for a thousand times, it wouldn't change the fact that I hurted, I hurted you badly but I didn't mean to I was just so scared of losing you that I didn't realize you were already slipping away. If I could turn back time I would just to avoid hurting you and I swear if I got a second chance I will love you right..."

He pauses to wipe his tears away then, smiles at the camera. It was much painful to see him smiling knowing that he's still trying to hide the pain 'cause he knows that will hurt me.

 "...I know I can survive life without you but, I'd rather have you with in it because every single moment is priceless when you're around. I'd rather hurt myself than hurt you. I love you and it will always stay that way. I'm leaving for New York today but my heart will always be wherever you are."

"........"

It was too much. I hated him for all the wrong reasons. I hurted him because he loves me. I fell on the floor and it all went out. I cry loudly as if that's going to help correct everything that I did wrong. I wasn't supposed to hurt anyone yet I ended up hurting everybody. And it's too late to fix it.

I guess, my happy ending won't exist after all....

I press my head on my knees, trying to hide my face. 

"Please let me wake up from this nightmare! I'll do anything just please let me go back! Let me go back! I don't wanna hurt him! I don't wanna hurt anyone. I'll take it all back just please... please... I didn't mean to Zayn... I'm sorry..."