The Break Up Plan

⇉ Chapter Fourteen

Memories were a larger thing to think about, it's a kind of nostalgia in its own, unexplained way.

I haven't brought myself to think about the things that bothered me in the past for a very long time. It was probably because I was, as of now, incapable of caring about someone more than I care about myself.

(2nd October, Thursday)

There was always a question of how you feel that's brought up in a conversation and it could have been in any form;

- How are you?
- What's up?
- How's life?
- What's it like?
- Why?

But mine had to come the way he had asked it, specifically in a way that was too straightforward for me to react immediately.

"How do you feel about it?"

It was a question of it's own, I don't know what 'it' really referred to or maybe I did, but that was besides the point. So, I decided to give it a reference of its own and pretend that I didn't know what the person was talking about.

"I don't know, David. I don't."

That definitely wasn't the answer he was looking for. His raised eyebrow, tapping foot and folded arms across his chest, told me that.

Sighing, I shifted from one foot to another and looked down, pretending to think long and hard, but I was actually about to pull out the second string from the 'Avoiding Unnecessary Questions' book.

Rule Two : Repeat Question after the partner/person in conversation with and pretend to think hard. Convince them that it is something you don't really want to talk about.

"David, I really don't want to talk about this," I mumbled, fumbling with my fingers. I wasn't worried about my memories, or that he'll know what exactly happened before, but what I was really worried about is that he would find out about the bet. I was specifically ordered to stay away from him and he has got to follow me around just when I don't need it. Where was he before this?

"Is something bothering you?"

"No, David! Nothing is, could you please just go away? Just leave me alone. I really don't want to talk to you right now, or anyone for that matter of fact. Leave, please," I whispered the last words slowly, begging him with my eyes, to just listen to me.

"Just tell me what happened, what were they talking about there? Your friends, I mean. I just want to know and I'll leave. I want to know how you feel about it, what's bothering you."

Taking a deep breath in, I looked up at him and swallowed hard. Memories were never my forte, but I had to get it all out eventually and it's not like what happened years ago, was a secret at all. Everyone knew about it, in fact, it was everyone who was behind it.

"I feel awful, okay? I just don't want to think about it and everytime I do, it bothers me! So much, like," I swallowed, my throat clogged up now, "so much. I hate how much I feel and how people treated me. I can't understand how can one hurt another so much?"

"How could one make someone feel so bad as to make them want to kill themselves? Make them feel so alone and be okay with it? Would you do this to yourself if you had a choice, would you make yourself suffer? Would you really be prepared and know that it still hurts, but still do this to yourself anyway?"

"I'm sorry," he said.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Leave, please," I searched for any emotion in his eyes, but there were none. There was nothing and it was a first for a Leon family member to ever hide an emotion and I knew that right then and there, in front of my eyes, just like I changed in front of him, he was a person changing in front of me and I couldn't stop it. I could do nothing to stop it.