Goodbye Yellow Brick Road ✔︎

31 | Fate's Backup Plan

Conner waves me over. I shake my head. He says something to Chase, who smiles and heads in my direction. "You know too much for your own good," I tell Megan, looking for an end to the conversation.

"That's why you're asking for my advice."

"Yes, and I want more, but it will have to be later. I've been summoned."

I hang up just as my spectacular Tin Man extends his arm to help me navigate the bleachers. I think I hear the swim-groupie behind me sigh. "What does he want?" I ask, quietly.

"He wants you to meet the coach," Chase whispers back, teasing me. If the other groupies knew the Chase Tinsley I know, they'd really swoon.

"I've already met him," I say, louder.

"He wants you to meet the other coach."

Conner introduces me as his "friend," Thea, but I don't think we're fooling the grinning adults.

"This is Coach Peale," Conner tells me. "We met at State last year. He's in town this week, visiting family, and decided to stop by to see me."

This is a big deal. I know this because of Conner's eager tone.

"What school did you say you were recruiting for, Coach?" Conner asks.

Coach Peale grins and says, "Virginia Tech."

* * *

After practice, Conner leads me through the library to our private spot in the stairwell. We have a chair now, which doubles as a barricade for the door. I sit on his lap as usual, but his hand finds its way under my skirt in record time. Conner's fast on land and in the water. 

"We've got. To stop," I say between kisses.

"Why?" he asks, not stopping to make his argument and holy crap, I can't come up with a single reason.

"So unfair. Sabotaging my. Defense system."

He moves his hand to my back. "I'll never do anything you don't want me to," he whispers against my lips. "But I'd like an answer to my question."

"We could get expelled," I say, because at this moment it's the easiest explanation.

"Then let's take this celebration to the penthouse."

I push against his chest, leaning back so I can see his triumphant smile. "What, exactly, are we celebrating?" I ask, but I have a pretty good idea.

"I win. You can explain away all the other coincidences, but you can't ignore this. It's a Jumbotron sign. Fate has a back-up plan."

I have to admit, my heart did some impressive acrobatics when the visiting swim coach said he was recruiting for Virginia Tech, college number one on my list. The thought of this boy's future intersecting the path of mine is thrilling—but it also scares the crap out of me.

We leave the school building arm in arm. We could go to the penthouse, to my white fluffy bed. Opportunity isn't an issue. Emily wouldn't notice if Conner moved into my bedroom.

When we reach Fifth Avenue, I pull him through the crosswalk and into Central Park. We find a flat rock and sit side by side. I'm a little shivery—mostly because of the chilled wind coming off the lake and the dampness seeping through my thin skirt. But also because I'm dreading this conversation.

"Are you going to answer my question now?" Conner asks, circling his thumb over the back of my hand.

I've admitted, both to myself and Conner, how much I want to be with him. What I haven't told him is that the intensity of this desire unnerves me. It took years for Glenn and I to get to that point in our relationship. But I was ready to go all the way with Conner the first time we kissed. Does that mean Megan's right about the lust thing?

"Uh-oh," he says. "You have that Thea's-going-to-run-away look on your face."

Well, that's appropriate, I guess.

"We could sit back to back," Conner says. "That's what my mom and I used to do when we had to talk about difficult things."

"Really? That's so sweet."

"Want to try it?"

"Yeah, okay."

Conner shifts himself around. I rest my back against his, take a breath and get the words out as fast as I can. "Glenn called. I didn't talk to him or anything but I know I need to. Because hearing his voice brought up all these feelings...memories. And my friend Megan keeps saying I need to get you out of my system before I go home. Like this thing between us isn't real. Not that I agree with her. I don't. But there is something about it—all the coincidences and the crazy intense attraction we have for each other—that makes it feel like a fantasy. It makes it hard for me to trust what I think I feel for you."

His shoulders shift against mine as he takes a breath and lets it out. "So you don't think your feelings for me are real."

"I don't have enough information to draw a conclusion. I need to talk to Glenn and maybe..."

Shit. I do not want to have this conversation.

"Maybe what?" Conner asks, impatient. Hurt.

"We never talk about what's going on with you and Paige."

He gets up and offers his hands to help me to my feet. "Because there's nothing to talk about," he says, eyes intense. "I have lunch with her two or three days a week and you know what that's like, boring as hell."

"What about early morning swim practice? Has Paige been timing you?"

"Yes, sometimes, but it's not what I want. I mean, it's good—like for her recovery but..." He runs a hand through his damp hair.

"You have feelings for her, Conner. I have feelings for Glenn. That doesn't just go away because we can't keep our hands off each other."

"My feelings have changed. I'm in love with you, Thea."

I get goose bumps everywhere. Even on my insides.

Glenn and I grew up together. And I guess we grew to love each other. But with Conner...yeah. With Conner things have definitely been different.

Is this what it feels like to fall in love?

But even if that's what this is, we still have obstacles. "Have you really thought this through?" I ask. "Like you and I going public. What will that do to Paige?"

"Nothing," he says, a little indignant. "Paige and I were still friends while I dated Jasmine."

"Yeah? Well. Maybe Paige's feelings for you have changed since then. Because the way she is now—pushing us together one moment, then freaking out when she thinks we've hooked up? That's not just friendship, Conner. It's way more complicated. Are you ready to risk whatever that is?"

He laughs, an incredulous huff of warm air that condenses into a little cloud as soon as it leaves his mouth. If I was on the farm, I'd be listening to crickets while I wait for his answer. Here, I count sirens: one, two, three...

"I don't know," he says. "I'm sorry. That's a horrible answer."

"Not to me. Because my feelings for Glenn are wrapped up in a plan I've had since I was twelve years old. I don't know if I can walk away from all of that. But I need to find out before this thing with us goes any further."