Alucinari

4

Looking at the outfit given to me made me overwelled. Michael was talking about something, but I did not listen I was focused on one scene.
***
Ryde goes over to unbutton my shirt. My first instinct was to back up so I did. What is he trying to do?
“If you’re not going to dress yourself, I’ll do it for you.” His sounded so serious, my head was filled with so many things, for a second, I wanted him to, but no. William gave me a representation of that. He started to unbutton my shirt, with each button undone I panicked.
“Fine, I’ll get dressed.” I say quickly walking past him. I did not face him when he left, I was contemplating what happened. His expression seemed like he knew what to do. I curled holding my head, all those thoughts in my mind, scared me. I got dressed.
***
We, Michael, and I, was outside of the Farrow manor. “Are you sure you want to go back home; you can stay if you want.” I looked at Michael. He was the only one who knew. I shook my head.
“I have to go. I have not returned for a day. They would be looking for me by now.” Michael put his hand on my shoulder with a firm grip. His expression serious.
“Just stay, if they look for you, they look for you.” I sigh, and took a pause.
“Fine, another night.” Michael led me to the house. We went to the common room and I took a book from the bookshelf, took a seat, and started reading. My older brother, William, taught me to read everyday words when I was little. Michael taught me the rest. I am in debt to him for that. Silvia stands in front of me. I look up at her. “Yes?” I ask her.

She sits herself down fixing her dress and posture. “I want to talk about Ryde.” I gain interest but continue to look at the book, I sit up.
“What about Ryde.” She looks down.
“I don’t want to marry him.” I look at her, put down the book.
“Why do you say that?” My tone was harsher than I wanted it to be, but this was for her protection.
“He scares me, a lot and, I’m afraid he would hurt me, Theo, so I made an idea that would guarantee my safety.” Her voice was shaky, she needed me. I sigh.
“Fine, what is it?” She stands me and took me to her bedroom.
“I need you to be me for the wedding.” I think about it. I look at her in the eye.
“I look nothing like you, I sound nothing like you and I’m also scared of him.” She puts her hand out to signal for me to be patient. She goes to her nightside table and pulls out a wig and a corset. “No.” I turn to leave. She grabs me.
“Please it’s all I ask, after a week I’ll return as me.” She is missing one detail.
“Ryde is very observant. Even if we pull it off, he would find out that I’m not you.”

She ponders. Michael knocks and enters. He gazes at us for a while. “What’s happening.” I shrug Silvia off my shoulder.
“Silvia wants me to be her on Ryde and Silvia's wedding day.” Michaels eyes peered over at Silvia.
“I envy your courage, but choose another person to be your servant.” He holds the door wide enough for me to go through. I walk out Michael behind and Silvia standing. I never saw that side of her, but I fear for Ryde.

The night passed quickly. I did not get that much sleep looking at the clothes Ryde gave me. Such embroidery so perfect. Should I send it back? No, he said I can keep it. And to fix my posture many times. I chuckle at the thought.
***
I walk out of the room, “Your arms are long.” I lift my arms to show it does not fit me at all. He sighed and stepped forward to fix the problem rolling it just above the bend of my arms. “Better?” I look at the new adjustment, and I nod. He sees my clothing. Embarrassed I turn to walk to the right, towards Michael who was holding his eyes in laughter.

Ryde pulls me to him again going forward to fix my collar. He then bends down, emotions overwhelmed me again and I cover my mouth looking away. Why did he have to be that close? Everyone would hate me for these thoughts. But stopping them was hard. My mind goes blank for a while. He turns my head to face him once more. His hair being a bit messy from fixing me. He taps my shoulder and attended his hair pushing it back, taking a good look at me. “Suits you. Keep it.”
***
I lay back on the guest bed holding my head. This feeling is so addictive makes me want more. I chuckle. I am like him, except my obsession is feeling things. What am I?