UHAMBO x THE JOURNEY

Part 10

INTWASO!!!(THE WEEK)
Are you ever prepared to have your legs cut off then asked to walk? Can you ever be?
The answers to both these questions are straight-up NO!
We are at the stage of final touch-ups now as we approach the big event that is intwaso, it is ntwaso week.
Imvunulo-check.
The date is set-check.
I am ready- uncheck!
izilwane-uncheck!
My mother and sister had promised they would make plans to make sure that by the time intwaso day is here I have money to buy izilwane needed for the Saturday slaughtering but it is a Wednesday and nobody has said anything. I am panicking. I am crying at Mama's feet asking why. Asking if Badimo are real and if they are why are they not allowing me to graduate. Why kungakhanyi mama. Mamas response in such cases would be, "Tshepa Badimo bahao ngwanaka." Has she lost her mind? I would think this in my head ofcourse, but really what is happening Badimo. Should I drop this and go home?

I am not breathing, my vision is blurry.
This is the most INTENSE training week, like I had mentioned(deep cleansing of the body and mind and heart must happen here.)
You are put through the most intense limit tests here, you are faced with your truths and your boundaries are hacked. They called this week THE EMOTIONAL week because you must endure the deepest darkest parts of yourself to go through this week. You are faced with questions you've never thought you'd have to answer, you are required to physically do things you never thought your body could do, your mind is mashed like potatoes on a Sunday full coarse meal.
It is a test of your full strengths and that week I contemplated packing my bags and hitting the road more than 8 times in 7 days.
Thursday evening, the night before intwaso I get a message from my sister that read a little something like, "I will send you money for izilwane first thing tomorrow, we finally made a plan. I am working today but will be there tomorrow evening."
My hearttttttt.
Oh my heart here, it was real it was finally happening. BAVUMILE!!!

INTWASO THE DAY!!!
My head is buzzing with excitement and fear, butterflies in my tummy(that was only because bellies were empty for some days now from fasting in preparation).
I am always a little grumpy without my food, but on this day I wasn't sure which emotion quite explained what I was feeling. Friday, November the 2nd. I could taste the wind on my tongue, where was my sister I wanted to cry on her chest I wanted to tell her I was scared I wanted to tell her that ILANGA LOKUFA was here and that I wasn't ready.

I AM NOT READY TO DIE, GOD PLEASE I AM NOT READY. I can't even make out words to say a prayer that asks for strength I am blank, my heart constantly and consistently pounding. Everyone was proud and scared for us all, I could tell from the way their eyes got glossy when they met mine. Makhosi Ntaba being the mother figure she had always been to me told me whatever I felt I should give it up to idlozi because I was here and it was happening. It was a brand new day and she was proud of me.

Families were obviously expected to show up at a certain time before siqala ukuhlehla inkane to prepare before everyone else came through and while we were being marinated for our oncoming ceremony.
uMama had told us all that on that day she wasn't our friend and we should not even look at her for mercy because everything now was at the hands of our ancestors. I just wanted my mother mina keh, I felt I was too young for what was happening to me.(My mother could not make it because bekasa zilile for her husbands passing.)

Beseyi clockile imali yokuthenga izilwane so only that morning that uMaluma ka mama decided to borrow us iVan to go get izimbuzi, one of the gogos was the one who drove me to go get izimbuzi, it was so intense on the day an incident happened where I almost jumped out of a moving van while she was driving hehehe guys. This thing of me jumping out of moving cars is a thing hey! Anyway... It was time, the sun had just set and the nerves were setting in as well. Not knowing what to expect but knowing you should be scared is a hell of a ride. Me, I had never seen a ntwaso live before mine keh-EVER. But I thought the experience was just like swimming with sharks!!!

Cues* MINA NGIYAGULA BAYANGIHLEKA
MINA NGIYAGULA BAYANGIHLEKA
KANTI ABAZI UKUTHI OH NGITHWELE ABANTU MINA, NGIPHETHE ABAPHANTSI MINA!

INTWASO THE EVENING.
The bell rang and it was time, amathwasana athwasayo are not meant to be seen anymore so they are to report the ndumba for preps. I look around tear-filled eyes for some familiar face and nothing, I claim I need the toilet and as I walk towards it to go and wail I hear screams(DUNGAMANZI!!!) I looked back and it was a car dropped off my sister who was jumping out while the car was moving to come give me a hug. She just knew it was time. She walked towards me with her son(my nephew) and our little sister(the youngest of the 3.) I just broke out in tears when I saw those faces, it had been almost five months inside and I hadn't seen them in that long. Wow, my sister brought her entire crew, Siphokazi who we call Dadobawo aka Dabs and her girlfriend Pele. She brought Khumoyame who is mkhulu Mafela now and they all had huge smiles on their faces . Like they believed in me, like they were proud of where I had gotten. My heart was warm, Nali Themba.

I left them out to go into the ndumba for the preparations and each time I had to go into the toilet since it was outside, I had to be escorted by an older makhosi with my entire body covered in a blanket from head down. I mean, we were the nights prized possessions and no one could see us. We were vulnerable almost like little infants who had just been born, but we were there that evening to grow to get that strength to be born again.

At around 10pm it was time, we were called out with a song.
MAYE 'NKANE BO!
AAAHHH YEEEE NGIKHALELA INKANE YAMA SOSHA...
In the order of hierarchy, from the youngest gogo to the old we walked out of the ndumba...ON OUR KNEES! lol, we had to crawl out.
We had to crawl out in our dhumane covered bodies, dlozi riddled bodies, weak yet so strong we crawled out in perfect unison and in song and in perfect synchrony. And the ntwaso officially commended.
From that time which was 10pm we started ukuhlehla, with five min intervals in between until the early hours of money.
My voice was hoarse, my throat was sore, I was hungry, I was aching, I was exhausted, I was scared, I was in such hectic trance, I was drunk.

The trance that evening had gone past realms and realms, I didn't know what my own name was, I couldn't see with my eyes, all I could was follow the rhythm of the beat and be fully taken over by the spirit. I WAS WITHIN!!!