I'm What?

Chapter 13

Chapter 13

 After that day at the ceremtery, I decided to kick off my training into an even more intense level. Training between physical, emotion and mental has taken up practically eightteen hours of my day, and happens every single day. The wedding plans are in full gear thanks to Lucille, Diana and Ryanne; I have left the whole thing in their hands. "Are you sure you don't want any juicy details?" Ryanne asks looking through a bridal magazine on her bed.

I sigh out in content, "No, I trust you guys." I lay back down, staring up at the white ceiling thinking about why I had to jump into everything so fast without even thinking of the cause and effect. "I'm sorry." I whsiper out while I fiddle with my hands. "What was that?" Ryanne asks looking up from her pile of magazines. I just shake her off by heading outside to the balacony. Grabbing a comfy blanket and chair, I sit outside in the autumn air admiring the dark feilds of unknown before me. "You know for a girl who has only been here for almost a month, you sure are a fighter Catalina Joy." Ricardo's voice rings out from no where. I look left then right as our eyes meet, him standing on the balacony next to mine with a coffee cup in his hands. "Whatever you say, old man," I taunt at him.

"It's the truth though. I would never be able to do what you are doing."

"At least you know what you are doing, Ricardo, at least you have family left."

"Don't pull that 'I don't have family' shit, okay?" Ricardo yells out in anger, "I lost my mother to at a young age. I know it's not easy to come to an unfamiliar place to people who say are your family but those people downstairs will do anything for you especially my brother and your father."

"Lucas and Anthony know nothing about me." I fire back.

"That's because you won't let them, you are pushing everyone away like Giovanni does."

"It's for the best."

"You are exactly want Diana said you were," Ricardo replies taking a sip of his coffee. "You are an exact copy of your grandfather and your mother. All three are people who can't fathom the idea of having someone actually love them for once." Ricardo's words sink into my flesh in painful strides. For once, Ricardo is right, I can't want to have people love me.

"You are right, Ricardo. I am someone who can't have people love me." I confess as hot tears run down my face, "Because everytime someone would love me, they would leave cold and unwanted."

"Why don't you just yell it out?" Ricardo instructs. I scream out in pain, sorrow, happiness; in every emotion I have felt since leaving with the Caro Family. I scream and yell and curse and swear until finally everything goes back down to an eeiry silence. "Feel better?" Ricardo asks.

"Yeah," I simply say before sitting back down in my chair. I feel like wieghts are off my shoulders; I feel calm and steady like I am ready to take over the world. "Thank you, Mortelli."

"Your Welcome, Valentino," Ricardo replies using a surname that nobody in this family has used since I arrived here. All have called me a Caro, Valastro or all names together but no one has simply said Valentino to me until now. I watch as Ricardo sneaks back into his room leaving me once again alone to look out at the night sky.  

After a while of star watching, I sink back to my room where Ryanne is passed out ontop of her bridal magazines. I move the magazines off the bed and tuck her in like I did when we were in school. "Good night, Ry." I say putting the blanket on her body. Laying back down in bed, I decide that sleeping tongiht wasn't really coming to me just yet. Sneaking out of my room, downstairs and through the different rooms, I finally find a bar in the entertainment room where I noticed Giovanni did alot of business in. Finding the clear crystal container and a cup, I pour myself some whiskey. "Caught you." Someone says from the doorway making me choke, "Don't worry, I won't punish you, fiore (Flower)." My father's thick accented voice told me who it was before he even stepped out from the darkness. "Esattamente come Isabelle, sempre doveva avere il suo whisky o vodka. (Exactly like Isabelle, always had to have her whiskey or vodka.)" Anthony sits down next to me before pouring himself a glass and me a new one.