Love Is Your's

Chapter 35 ~ I Tried So Hard

Meg's POV

In the bathtub the tears fell. Once I was clean and dry I decided to not meet the sun. Slipping into a black, non sexy long nightgown. Soft and comforting. Shutting the curtains and windows closed. Making the room as dark as possible. Sliding into the bed and covering the blankets over me. I sobbed and let it all out. Pain was all I felt for hours.

Hours turned to a day....two days..... three days......... a week.........

One week I barley moved from the bed. Christine, Erik and my mother kept walking in and sending me food. Never did the smell of edible sweets and such never touched my lips. The only thing on my mind was his lips on mine. A few days ago everything was perfect. So blissful.... But life is never full of bliss. It never has and it never will be.

Now life has killed a dream.... I dreamed......

Another week of this passed. Christine tried to get me out of bed. I then only got out too the bathroom and cleaning up. With every plate being on the table Erik lit me one single candle so I can see. I made it very clear to them at one point; that the curtains will never be opened when I'm in here. Tonight it was a raging storm. A branch pounded against the window. It seemed like the world wanted me to wake up! 'Why can't they all just leave me alone?!' I screamed into my mind. Covering my head with the comforter I tried getting some more sleep.

I was walking on the docks and saw my mother. I smiled and passed her by. Odd, I then saw Christine and her family. They waved and I waved back. Still I kept going. Then I saw Raoul and for some reason all my anger left me. He glanced at me then back into the water. I shook it off and continued for awhile. Then I saw him. Nadir.... Running towards him he held me gently and stroked my hair. I looked into his eyes and gasped.

He. Had. No. Eyes.

None, none whatsoever. I gasped as he smiled evilly and gripped me tighter. I couldn't even breathe. Struggling and turning around I saw everyone else smiling wickedly. Coming towards me chanting one word.

"Whore....Whore....Whore......"

I shook my head as they got closer and Nadir kept backing me up towards the edge. Suddenly he threw me into the sea and everyone kept pointing and laughing at me. I felt the old dead souls of the past touching me. I screamed and begged Nadir to save me. But what I saw next cut me deeply. I saw his wife rubbing his chest and kissing him passionatly. I screamed as everything took me underthe water and to the ground to hell. Darkness then consumed me.

I screamed and woke up panting. Then I wiped away a few tears and tried shaking off the bad dream. No... it was more than a nightmare. Looking around the place I saw a pad of paper, ink and a quill. Getting up and lighting another flame to the single one I started pouring out my thoughts and emotions.

I tried so hard.

I tried my best.

I gave you my all,

and now there's nothing left.

You stole my heart,

then tore it in two.

Now I'm falling apart,

and don't know what to do.

Divided by decisions,

burned by the fire.

Confused by your words.

Tempted by desire.

I'm living in the present.

My mind is on the past.

Not knowing what I'll lose.

Not knowing what will last.

Blinded by fear.

Drowning in doubt.

Struggling to be free.

Looking for a way out.

I thought over my life and decided that I couldn't live like this. Not anymore. So I decided to leave. Looking out the window the storm cleared up a bit. Quickly and swiftly I packed my bag. Quietly I changed into something light and revealing. Thinking about it more and more I decided to write my last note before I leave for who knows how long. Christine deserves to know...and most importantly my mother..... Shakily I took the quill in my hand.

To whom it may concern,

Since the two weeks prior to the incident, I had a lot of time to think. I realized that what I did was wrong. I barely knew the man. And yet I gave him the only gift that I can never give to anyone ever again. My virginity. This brutal mistake I had made, is turning the wheels in my head. I appreciate everything all of you have done, everything. I truly do. I'm so sorry that I have ignored your advice and took it lightly. That was a childish thing to do. Over life and death and life changing matters. I have thought if our love was strong....

But now that I realize the truth, I feel like this is all my fault. In a way it is. The way he looked into his wife's eyes. I don't know if he was telling the truth that he truly did love me; Or if it was only for sex. At the moment, so save whats left of my broken heart, and to figure out who I really am. I decided to leave.

Leave for....I don't know how long. I promise I'll see you again. I don't know when though....

But until next time... And I don't know why but, in a strange way. I still love Nadir. But if he doesn't want me truly, then I'll be happy that's moved on to somebody better. And so will I....maybe...

I love you alll with my heart and maybe in a few years... Or the passage of time, we will meet again.

With love from the ol' Ballet Rat.

Meg.

I love you all.....

By the time I was finished tears were pouring down my face. Gently I placed the letter on the freshly made bed and grabbed my coat. Then I slowly waked past the bedroom doors and prayed for each person. Reaching my mother's door I gently opened it and walked up to her bedside. It was a miracle that she's gotten through a thunderstorm sleeping.

I hugged her gently and kissed her cheek. "I love you so much mother..." I whispered before leaving. Making sure she was covered and warm. Walking down the stairs I grabbed my food and some money stored away in the floorboards. Celver right? I pushed open the door and put my hood tight over my head. With one last glance at the house before leaving in the night.

The rain came soon crashing down and the mood stained the bottom of my dress. Soon I reached a special place right when the sun was rising. 'The Skinny Demons' With a deep breath I went into the place where I would start my new life.

AN: HI!!!! OKAY SO!...(first) The Poem is one I found on a sight through Google and the authors name is; Whitney Barton. Secondly, remember awhile ago I was gonna edit the grammar and such? Still am but maybe like before or after I finish this book I will going to do a slight rewrite. Keep something maybe and change small things here and there. But wanted to keep this informed to yall. I'm trying to have a lot of reads and THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE OVER 10K READS! And I want to make my writing better. So yeah....

Anyways I'll be uploading as much as I can. But I have a few others I have to finish as well. :) ENJOY AND (KEEP ON) READ! :)P