Arranged marriage turned out to be all they could ever dream of and more: love, wildly burning passion that knows no bounds, beautiful children, dream home, valuable legacy, incredible heritage, successful empires that were built side by side.
What...
I took a deep breath, hiding my face in my hands, leaning on the wall, unable to stop myself from crying, feeling so damn helpless, exhausted, worried, shaken up and vulnerable.
After what feels like hours, I showered, did my routine and wore black, silk nightgown before sitting down on the arm chair, having no desire to lay in our bed without him. I pulled my knees to my chest, sighing heavily, ignoring tears that seem to know no end.
Everything I want now is just for us to be okay, for this to end like a bad nightmare and to be able to hug the love of my life tightly, tell him how much I adore him, how sorry I am for messing up like that and letting him down, and for him to kiss me lovingly, tell me that he understands and we are fine, that he loves me and nothing is wrong.
Hours passed...I still hoped that he will come to me and we will talk this through and he will hold me tightly in his embrace afterwards, soothe me, give me much needed comfort and serenity.
Only he didn't.
Morning came, never having been so dreaded til now.
I stood up from the chair and the blanket neatly, putting it back on its place before going to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Then I went to twins to look after them, having no strength for anything else.
"Ciao, piccoli."- I said softly, gently kissing their small foreheads as they smiled brightly, being just a tiny bit drowsy.
I took Eliot and Francesca in my arms, hugging them lovingly, my eyes shutting close in desperate hopes to contain tears that I thought I have no more left.
"Tu sei il mio mondo."- I whispered to them vulnerably, laying dainty kisses on their little noses, smiling through tears when they made grabby hands at me, nuzzling into me. (You are my world.)
I bathed Eli and Fran, did their routines and dressed them in lovely, comfy, beautiful onesies of white colour with tiny silk details. Once they were set, I fed them, simply powerless against yesterday's memory of this process: Leo cuddled me while I fed our twins as we laid in our bed with me between his legs; he whispered the sweetest, the most wholesome things to me, played with our son and daughter, told us how much he loves and treasures us.
"God."- I almost whispered, glancing aside, bottling tears up for the sake of our little ones.
After they ate, I took them downstairs, hoping to find Leo there.
All I was greeted with was our beloved pups Neve, Rain, Rose and Ryan and beyond beautiful bouquet awaiting on the island in the kitchen.
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Only it doesn't make me smile because I know today he doesn't mean it.
I put the stunning bouquet in the vase, setting it on the island.
"Shh, va tutto bene."- I soothed twins once they pouted, their tiny hands lightly wiping away my tears. (Shh, everything is okay.)
I went to their room and played with them, simply isolating myself from the world, feeling worse than ever.
