Merlin's magic (Oneshots)

IDI4U part 8: Saturday

ATTENTION: CHAPTER WARNING!

HEAVY ANGST!
This chapter contains mentioning Rape/non con, trauma, and abuse against minors. Read with caution.

This is a HUGE chapter. THE most important chapter of it all, because it kind of explains everything, so...Please do not take this one lightly. There is a LOT of heavy stuff in here. At least to me it is. I wrote it, I'm very deep in the headspace, sorry. And the plot is thick as a cemented brick wall.
So, take your time. You'll need it.
Also, as much of the previous chapters, NOT everything in this work is entirely fictional (partly abstract, partly not. Anyway, I have met people in my life.). Please be warned. It may be exaggerated to some degree, but if any of this personally affects you, it may also ... not be exaggerated. So please take care. Sorry for being ominous, I just don't want to go into too much detail. (I do that in the end notes... lol)

I'm sorry for upsetting you. The next chapter will be the reunion between Merlin and Arthur and things will turn much more lighter after. So.... After this, you've passed the worst. Promise.

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Arthur hadn't slept all night. Again. He just couldn't. He had tried to, but it was impossible. Instead, he took a shower at 3 in the morning and then allowed himself to pack his things.
He hid the bag under the bed. Uther would be gone by Monday and Arthur would be gone even sooner.
He had made his decision. There was no point in staying here.

He would have to start fresh. And completely new. It felt relieving in the same way that taking a shower did, after you sweated for hours on an especially hot day.

Arthur did that too. He took a deep breath.
The clock kept ticking.
But Arthur's mind didn't stop.
It didn't stop thinking.
And prodding.
He wouldn't say goodbye. To no one.

He took another deep breath as memories flooded his mind. Memories of Merlin smiling. Of them having fun.
Arthur couldn't remember a time where Merlin hadn't been there.
He just.... couldn't remember.
The prodding in his mind grew heavier.
Arthur shook his head. His hands wandered up to catch it. No more memories.
They might as well never happened.
He might as well have never known Merlin.

Silence.

Arthur looked up. His head was silent.
Quiet.
It just hurt. Prodding, overflowing pain.
Maybe, Arthur should start living in the vents himself. Just like JJ. Who exactly told him that story anyway? Who WAS JJ? Why did it even matter? Did it even matter?
Either way, the weird idea kept coming back to his head and it had long stopped being funny.
In fact, he rather felt the entire thing rouse some deep buried pain within him. Though he couldn't pin point why.

Arthur shook his head. He focused on his heart beat.
Maybe the unusually loud noise would drown out his thought.
Every noise seemed somehow louder now that Merlin was gone.
Now that Arthur was ceasing to exist. Gosh, he was being dramatic.

'Knock knock'.

Arthur blinked. When had he started crying again? Not that he could have stopped it.

'Knock knock.'

This wasn't the time to get sad and depressed and all self obsessed. He had a role to play today. By tonight, Arthur would be gone forever. It would be best for everyone. And then it would all be over.

He knew he was being dramatic. Again. But he found that taking action calmed him more than sitting down and doing nothing.
Planning to leave, preparing to leave.... it somehow made him feel that this was real.
That he wasn't just standing by and letting everything happen.
He was actively doing something.
Actively hiding.
Actively running.