Breathe, My Love ~ KSI (discontinued)

2.3

raspberry muffin

"So I guess neither of us could sleep." He said as they stood in her doorway, his body leaning on the doorway trying to read her face, how had she known he was outside?

"Yeah, I was just going to get some food, you coming?" She offered, he had dark under eyes and puffy eyelids, it wasn't hard to tell that he had been crying, although to a random person he would have hidden it well, but, she too just happened to know what sleepless nights looked like.

Although she had initially wanted to go downstairs alone, she was thankful for JJ's miraculous ways of appearing into her life when she needed him most. His warmth and outgoingness balanced her cold, cocky, narcissism.

"Sure." He nodded. Together they walked into the elevator as both questioned why the other was awake at half three in the morning.

"Why were you awake?" His curiosity finally got the better of him as he turned to look at her.

"Nightmare." She replied with a nonchalant shrug, "You?"

"Couldn't sleep." He shrugged, and in all honesty, he was gelling the truth, the thought and stress of everything had finally got to him. Sleep requires peace and he had nothing in his life held any sense of peace. And there is only so much sleep one can do when their body is shaking with cries of comfort. 

"Why?"

He didn't speak for a minute as he debated whether or not he could tell her about the reason as to why he wasn't able to catch a blink of sleep.

"Sharla." He paused, "My parents have arranged for us to get married as soon as I get back to London." And that I really don't want to marry her. He stopped himself from speaking his thoughts aloud.

Hoda had heard of arranged marriages, but she thought that it was a tradition long forgotten. "Oh."

"I'm going to have to go ring shopping soon." He said remorsefully as though he had just gotten news of his own death. In which, news of his own death would sound better than having to spend an eternity with a woman he doesn't even like. 

Not only that, but he liked someone else. Someone who pretended to be oblivious to his emotions and feelings, blocking him out as much as she could, because she knew that they were both afraid of getting hurt again.

"I mean congratulations and that, but did you not think about inviting me?" She joked.

"Oh, haha, very funny." He deadpanned, but a small smile had appeared on his lips. It's something about the way she was so naturally funny that she somehow managed to light up the room with her witty statements and light-hearted jokes.

"No, but in all seriousness, I get it, getting married to someone you just broke up with isn't the best scenario, if you want to go ring shopping with someone, just text me and well go together." Without realising she had just admitted that she would clear out her entire schedule just to keep him company. And in all honesty, that didn't sound like a bad idea. 

"You good for next week?" He asked, a part of his heart lighting up, maybe this marriage wouldn't be the worst thing to happen to him if it meant he and Hoda got to spend more time together. 

She pulled out her phone checking her schedule for next week, "I'll be in New York, but I'll be back by Wednesday." She said. 

"I'll be waiting for you then, Thursday, next week." He determined, as they walked to the 24hour coffee shop downstairs and got themselves a pastry each, he took a muffin and she picked up a croissant.

About half an hour later they were both full and tired, deciding between themselves that it would be better to head back up to their rooms. The ride up in the elevator was silent yet comfortable both tired and sleepy, but both knew that as soon as they stepped into their rooms they wouldn't be able to sleep. Both dreading what was to come. 

As soon as they stopped by their doors. JJ turned to her and made an offer, even he was surprised to have made it. 

"Wanna come in?" 

"Hm?" She arched an eyebrow at him, not believing what she had just heard.

"You know, I know I'm not going to be able to sleep and I don't think you look like you want to go back to your nightmare, do you want to, you know, maybe, come in?" He scratched the back of his neck nervously not meeting her eyes, as Hoda tried her best to fight the urge to smile at his suggestion.

"Sure." 

~~~

"Are you going to sit there?" He turned to her, as he pulled off his shirt, trying to gain her attention. He wanted to go to bed with her. Whilst she sat on the suit's coach oblivious to his attempts, texting someone on her phone.

"Currently, yes." She rolled her eyes, typing quickly on her phone, just then it began ringing, "Not all of us have the privilege to-" 

"Give me a minute." She excused herself, not even baring him a glance as she picked up the phone.

"Hey, sweetheart." His deep voice echoed in her ear. 

"Hey love," She chuckled, "What's up?" 

"I'm on my way to New York." He said, "Just wanted to ask if you've got all the stuff sorted for when I land?"

"Yep, four seasons hotel in New York." She said. 

"Are you serious?"

"Listen, I know that place is very significant to you and it holds a lot of memories, but it was the only place which had a free booking on such short notice."

"Whatever." He grunted.

"I'll figure out something for when you land." She promised sincerely, sounding very sorry.

"Alright take care." He muttered reluctantly. Accepting her apology.

"You too."

She ended the call. Turning around to face JJ who was staring at her with hard eyes.

"Who was that?"

"Why do you care?" She turned to him as he made a show of undressing as she rolled her eyes at his dramatic constant need for attention.

"Because I just got out of a relationship with someone who constantly cheated on me and made me look like a fool!"

"Unless we are dating. You have no right to ask me who im talking to. Even then, it is none of your business who I talk to." She defends herself, her tone monotone and harsh, "You either trust me or you don't. Simple."

"So if I ask you out, here and now, will you say yes?" He leaned down, behind the chair, she could smell the raspberry muffin on his tongue, his breath fanning over her ear.

His lips were just under her earlobe. Her mind flashed remembering that night. 

His lips. Hot. Sweaty. His teeth sinking into her skin. His calloused hands wrapping around her waist.

Panicking, she pulled away, her hand coming into swift contact with his face the noise echoing across the room. The slap on his cheek left a stinging sensation on her palm.

"Don't you fucking dare touch me."

With that she left JJ's suite and entered her own, leaving the door to his room ajar. Not believing what had just happened, she closed the door of her suite, leaning against the wooden oak door as she sunk to the floor, panic-stricken sobs leaving her mouth as a steady stream of tears ran down her face. Taking deep breaths just like she had trained herself to, she finally managed to calm down. 

Suddenly the sound of the door knocking behind her snapped her out of her frenzy of emotions. 

"Hoda? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you! I'm sorry! Please open the door! Are you okay?" He begged from the other side of the door, not knowing what he had done wrong, he needed to know if she was okay.

Written: 05/12/2021

Published: 07/12/2021

(A/N: Cause I'm in a field of dandelions, Wishing on every one that you'd be mine)