What if...? {Lumity/The Owl House}

Hurtful Truth

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF ABUSE; SELF HARM AND IMPLIED SUICIDE⚠️
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Amity's Pov:
Completely numb from crying, I take the piece of metal up to my wrist and start to draw lines. Lines drawn with silver that quickly turn into a dark red, first some small ones that will easily fade away again. I'm such a worthless piece of shit, Ed and Em don't need me anymore, dad is gone and Odalia just cares about her selfish own ass, I don't even matter to her, I never did. I keep on drawing lines and wince quietly as I go deeper, deeper and deeper to punish myself more. I deserve this. I fucked up, I'm the reason why the twins aren't here anymore, I'm the reason dad left, I'm the reason Odalia hits me. Because I'm not good enough. I never was and I never will be, I deserve to bleed. I get lost in my thoughts and push the blade farther and farther into my skin and draw more and more lines until my right arm is full with freshly bleeding wounds. I sigh and wash off the blood before it drips to the ground and is hard to be cleaned up. I flinch at the feeling of the cold water touching the cuts, but quickly start to get used to it. I clean the blade as well before putting a bandage around my arm and look at myself in the mirror again. „You're a disgrace.", I say to myself before putting the blade away again and pull down my sleeves. I wash my face so mother doesn't realise I've been crying and exit the bathroom. I make my way back to my room and sit down in front of my desk and open my diary to write in it. „Dear Diary, I did it again. I know I promised to stop, but it's all too much. With Luz being back I thought I'd do better again, but Odalia found out about me talking to Luz even though she forbid me to do so and got angry. She kicked me in the stomach and knocked me out so I was unconscious for titan knows how long. I shouldn't have disobeyed her orders. I should've just stayed away from Luz no matter how much I like her and missed her. It doesn't matter though because she doesn't even like me. Atleast not the way I like her. I wanna be with her, but I'd just be a pain for her and mom would probably make Luz' life a living hell as well. Luz doesn't deserve this. She shouldn't have come back. Now I have to force myself to hate her so she can be happy. This isn't fair, why did I have to get this shitty life? Ed and Em weren't perfect either, but they could do whatever they wanted and Odalia didn't seem to care a bit, but whenever I do something that she doesn't like, I get beaten up." I write and write until the pages of my diary are soaked in wet tears. Great, now I'm crying. You're weak, Amity. I try to focus on the words I'm writing down, but I can't. I start to draw on another page to let out all the anger I feel towards myself. It's a drawing of me holding Luz' hand and smiling happily, but there's something in the background or rather someone. Odalia. She holds two powerful spells in her hands, ready to fire them at Luz. I let out a yell and scribble over the drawing, trying to erase Odalia's cruel look because she doesn't want me to be happy because she would take away my lover. I rip out the page and tear it apart before burning it and tossing the ashes into the trash. I get up and enter the bathroom again, looking at myself in the mirror once again. You're pathetic. You're a pathetic little child that can't control it's feelings. You shouldn't even be allowed outside because all you do is hurt others. I yell at myself in my thoughts and smash my hand hard against the mirror. It breaks into multiple pieces and my hand is covered in blood, but I couldn't care less. I remove a glass shard from my hand and slowly take it up to my eyes to inspect it. It's rather sharp. I think to myself before thrusting it into my left hand's wrist. I push it deeper and deeper until I feel it hit something, but that doesn't stop me. I make the cut longer to feel more pain and slightly laugh at the feeling of it. „Amity Blight, the disgrace of the family no one cares about", I say, still cutting deep into my wrist with the shard of the mirror I just beoke with my own hands. My right hand gets tired from putting too much pressure and I let go of the piece of glass I was holding seconds ago. I look down to see the floor full of blood, but I couldn't care less about that. Odalia will probably scream at me and hit me again, but whatever. That will happen either way. I feel tears of anger fall down my face again before slowly feeling dizzy. „Shit..." I mumble before looking around me and realising that I lost more blood than I thought. I try to get up, but I fail and sit down against the wall to have something to keep me from falling over. I try to summon my scroll and manage to do so, but fail to access it. „Damnit...Whatever. I'll be fine...no one cares either way.", I say to myself before passing out, not realising that Luz is trying to call me.

Luz's Pov:
„Hm that's odd. She normally picks up her scroll", I mumble. „What's up kiddo?", Eda asks as she sees the look on my face. „Ah it's nothing important, I just wanted to ask Amity if she could help me with our Abomination homework, but she didn't pick up. I guess she's busy", I answer while forcing a smile. „Kid, I see that it's bothering you that she didn't pick up. Why don't we make our way to Blight Manor and see if we can find her?", the older witch offers. I nod and put away my phone. „She'll probably be fine, maybe she just took a shower or something, but I'd really like to check in on her since she was scared of her mom earlier this day and I have a feeling that's why she didn't answer my call."
Eda calls Owlbert and we make our way outside, asking Hooty to watch over sleeping King while we're gone. We quickly arrive in front of the huge building and I let out a sigh. „Eda I can't go there and ask if Amity's home, her mom doesn't want her to talk to me, so uh..could you maybe do my the favor and check  if you can get any information from her mom while I try to get in another way?", I ask and Eda responds with a nod before making her way to the door. I follow her and hide in some bushes while she rings the bell.

Eda's Pov:
The door opens and an abomination stands there. „Oh hey um I was wondering if I'd be able to talk to Amity?", I ask. „I heard my sister talk about the Emperor Coven needing new members soon and I thought Amity would be a good pick", I quickly add, hoping it increases my chance to be let in. And that's the case, the abomination gets out of the doorway and points upstairs. I sigh in relief and look around before seeing a familiar face. „Edalyn Clawthorne", she says with a bitter tone in her voice. „Hello Odalia", I answer and walk up to her before telling her the same lie I just told her abomination. Hopefully Luz finds a way in.. I let out a small cough and sit down next to Odalia as she motions me to do so. „So you're saying Amity finally can be useful?" - „I mean sure, Lilith said something about a coven member retiring and that they need new young and strong witches to join them", I start telling her and go on with the conversation while I see Luz sneaking in through a window. Clever girl.

Luz' Pov:
Okey, you're in. That was probably the hardest part, now I just gotta find Amity. I doubt her room will be anywhere down here since it seems there's only the living room, dining hall and kitchen. I quietly make my way to the stairs and go upstairs, looking through every keyhole to see if I can find Amity. I get to the last door of the floor and do the same, seeing a shower and a toilet and some weirdly red liquid on the ground. It takes a moment before my mind connects the pieces. „It's blood...and there are glass shards", I murmur to myself before opening to door to the bathroom just to find Amity sitting against a wall, completely unconscious and barely breathing. I let out a scream of shock before quickly covering my mouth and trying to shake the green haired witch awake. „Amity wake up! Please, please wake up!", I yell in panic as Eda and Odalia storm to the door. „WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?", Odalia asks in a demanding tone before covering her mouth as well and freezing. „Eda call the healers, we have to help her!", I cry out and Eda summons her scroll and quickly dials a number. „They're on their way, do you have anything to stop the bleeding?", she asks Odalia, making her unfreeze and stutter: „T-there are towels back in the drawer there." - „Great, how the hell am I supposed to get there? There's glass ALL over the floor!" - „I will cast an abomination to take care of it and cover up Amity's wounds.", I hear the two of them talking, but my attention is fully drawn to Amity. „Amity, why? I need you, why did you do this?", I mumble sobbing and clutching to the witch who's apperance once made me laugh but now won't let me stop crying. „Why, why, why.." I continue crying and holding onto her while the abomination brings a towel and carefully wraps it around Amity's arm. I'm lost in my thoughts and completely block out the sound of people entering the front door of the house. All I can focus on is how the witch I love is possibly dying in my arms and it's my fault.
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Have a longer chapter with 1750+ words again. This one was painful to write and probably as painful to read for y'all. I apologise for putting so much angst in this fanfiction, but I mentioned it in the description of it and I put a warning evefy time and if you didn't wanna read it then why are you here? I know some of you all might be wondering WHY I'm writing this and being cruel and make Amity suicidal and deal with more shit than she already does and the reason for that is simple: Because I deal with those things or used to deal with them and want to show you all that not every „perfect" (fantasy) life is actually that great. Anyways, the next part might be the last one, maybe not, but you'll get some fluff then, I promise it.