A Userguide To Understanding Joker

Question 4: What Does The Joker Really Think About Batman?

I smile big, "My my, aren't you the clever one doctor? I see you've caught something that slipped past all of your colleagues. I must say I'm rather impressed."

She just blushes more. Partly because of the way I praised her. But I wasn't certain about the other half. And that...bugs me. People don't normally stump me. In fact, nobody except... Bruce... has ever managed. But alas, now her. I felt like it was something truly worthy of note. Dr. Harleen Quinzel had a brain. It might have been more than most, but she didn't have more than I do. That, I am certain of.

"So doc-tor," I glare at her, "I suppose your next question will be the popular and incredibly generic, 'am I gay'? Hum?"

She shakes her head, "Not at all," she says, which I find to be quiet surprising. "What I want to ask you is...wh-what appeases you sexually?" She clears her throat and nervously looks at me.

I smirk, "I do believe it's my turn to ask the question doctor. And since I already know what your next question is, I'm left with no choice but to ask you, what gets you off?" I smile as I watch her turn a few more shades of red for me.

"That's an inappropriate question to ask me," she swallows.

"Oh? But when it's you who's doing the asking, it somehow becomes appropriate then?" I cock a shaved brow at her. "Why the double standard doctor? Why is it important for you to know such intimate details about me?" I rise from my seat and sit on the edge of the table closest to the doctor. I look down at her as she stares at me. "I assure you," I say softly as I tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear. My hand lingers on her cheek, "Knowing the answers won't help you understand me any better. My sex life has absolutely zero relation to my criminal life or sanity."

My touch causes her to close her eyes for a moment, lost in her own pleasure, "I disagree with you. There have been many killers whose sole purpose of killing was for sexual gratification. It's actually rather common in fact."

I move my hand and recline back on the table with my arms crossed, "Well, I'm anything but common doctor. Just because I appear to kill so effortlessly, doesn't mean that I draw that kind of stimuli from it. Though, you must think that. Don't you?" I lean in close to her, "Do you think I lie in my bed at night, my hand in my pants, to thoughts of coagulating blood puddles and death gasps?"

"I-it's ok if you do," she swallows hard.

I lean in closer still, and whisper, "I find those things humorous doctor, I gladly admit that, but they don't exactly..." My eyes fall down to her cleavage poking out of her white doctor jacket, "make me throb in need of release." I look up into her eyes. "But you already know that, don't you?" I stare at her questioning eyes for a long moment before giving her a slight smirk, "You think my tastes lean more to Batman cosplay, correct? A little black rubber or some vinal maybe? Pointy ears on a cowl? Hum? Is that what you think turns me on doctor?"

"Is it?" She asks with elevated levels of an almost childlike curiosity.

"As I mentioned doctor, it's my turn. So I should ask you, what gets you all hot and bothered? But I think I already know," my smirk grows.

"Y-you do?" She wonders, and I can see the guilt sweeping over her face.

I rest my weight on my palms, each fixed on the arms of her chair. My face is but inches from hers. "Me," I say with a rasp and stare at her lipstick stained lips. She quickly looks away from me. "Oh, no need to be shy doctor, I'm a handsome and charismatic guy. But that's not what attracts you to me. No. It's the fact that I'm a very powerful and dangerous man. The forbidden fruit of the original sin. Yes doctor, I know exactly what turns you on, don't I?" And I press my red lips against hers. She freezes, but she doesn't pull away. I wrap my arms around her. I lift her from her chair and slam her down on her desk. I work my body between her thighs as my hands capture her wrists and pin them above her head to the desk. The weight of my body presses into hers. "You see doctor," I stare into her eyes, "in my company things always have an element of fear and surprise. The chance of me snapping that beautiful neck of yours is always present in the forefront of your mind. Because you like a little adrenaline mixed into your romance. And in this very moment doctor, you would grow more wet from my hand around your throat, than you ever could from my lips. Your tastes lean more to the sadomasochistic than the conventional. And I'm sure you can feel from my body, that mine lean that way too. So there's the answer to both of our questions doctor," I let her go and step away from her to calm down. No, not to calm down, more like to go down.

She slowly sits up straight on the edge of her desk, "That's it," she says with a prophetic look of realization on her face, "you are in love with Batman! You commit crimes just to draw him out! Because you want him to catch you! You put up a fight because every time he hits you..." Her words instantly stop.

"That's right doctor," I hiss, "it turns me on. And nobody can hit harder than my dear bat," I start to clap my hands, "Bravo doc! You figured out what dozens of other trained professionals couldn't! My, my, my, I'm sure that must give you plenty to write about. Bet you can get two best sellers and a top ten out of that little jewel!"

"Mistah J, what I can gain is the farthest thing from my mind right now. This information is confidential between doctor and patient..."

I cut her off, "Until you are no longer my doctor. That's when the confidentiality ends and books get written," I growl.

She crosses her arms over her chest, "Now it's my turn for a question," she says smugly.

"No, now it's time to get me back into the straight jacket because we're done for today!" I shout feeling agitated.

"No," she says firmly.

I spin around and grab her by her throat, "I said I'm done!"

"D-d-does he k-know..." she chokes out, "h-how you f-feel?"

I gnash my teeth in her face. I want to wring her neck. Maybe because she was too smart? Or maybe because it would turn me on? But then the words to her question seep into my brain. I slowly loosen my grip on her neck and lower my hand. My mind wanders back...

Midnight on a Gotham rooftop in the rain. I have nowhere else to run. He has me cornered. So I do what any cornered animal does. I lash out with a knife clenched in my fist. Seems like a dumb move against a man in a kevlar bat suit, right? But you see, I know everything there is to know about the bat suit. Especially it's flaws and weak spots. So I plunge the blade of my knife into his armpit. The blade of my knife is just long enough to puncture his lung if I shove it all the way in and between the ribs.

His arms go around me and we both fall down. I'm on top of him, my hand firmly holding the knife in his flesh. We're both struggling for control. But just this once, it seems like I have the upper hand. Batman's life hung in the balance, by the tips of my fingers. And he knows that too. In this moment of realization our eyes meet. I watch as his soften slightly. At the same moment I can feel his gloved fingertips lightly touch my face.

"You can't kill me...not when you love me," he says.

I blink and the memory ends. I sweep my hand over my hair, "I'm sure he's probably figured it out after all these years doctor."

"Does he reciprocate your feelings?" The doctor asks me.

I sternly point a finger in her face, "I said I'm done!"

After she tries a bit more but is met with silence, she reluctantly puts me back in the straight jacket and I'm returned to my cell. Which I promptly destroy. Well, as much as on can destroy a prison cell. I hate how smart she is. How did she figure out the truth amongst so many lies and utter nonsense?