Crimson Red *Vikklan Story*

Chapter 2

!!!TRIGGER WARNING. ANOREXIA, BELUMIA, CUTTING!!!

I got home and ran up to my room. I laid on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. I don’t know how to feel about what just happened. I like him and he’s nice, but I can’t fall for him. For obvious reasons.

Thinking about this actually makes me confused. I can’t seem to think straight anymore. He messed with my emotions. And why did I do that? I kissed him on the cheek and left. How can I be so stupid? He doesn’t even like me. He won’t want me to come back tomorrow.

I made it awkward and it’s all my fault. Just like everything else. My parents died and it’s all my fault.

I got up to go to the bathroom to do what I always do. I haven’t had any days clean so far. I’m such a shit. I reach in my cabinet and grab my razor.

One for my parents.

Two for the Sidemen.

Three for being fat.

Four for being a fuck up.

Five for Lachlan.

As the crimson liquid dripped from my arm, I felt so much better. I got up and washed my arm off wrapping it up. I put my sweater on and walked out the bathroom.

It was about dinner time now, but I wasn’t going to eat. I never do. I’m so fat. They always force me to eat, and when I do, I’ll throw it up. It’s disgusting, but it makes me feel controlled.

I went down stairs and saw Josh making dinner. “What’s good Josh?” I put on the fakest smile, but made it work. “Nothing much. Just cooking. Simon and Ethan will be down in a little bit to eat with us. What were you doing upstairs?” There he goes in my business again. Being the overprotective person he is.

“Reading over some music is all.” I lied. Lying has basically become part of my daily life. I just keep to myself and make up excuses. I can’t tell if they know I’m lying or not though.

“Ok. Well sit down you are eating today.” He’s like the parent out of all of us. “But...” He cut me off. “No if, ands, or buts about it. You’re eating all of it. I don’t care if you’re there until tomorrow. You are eating.” He sat a plate down and called Ethan and Simon down. “Fine.” I sighed. I’m just going to throw it up after so what’s the point.

We were all sitting and eating, a light conversation here and there. I cut my chicken into small pieces moving it around the plate. I put a piece in my mouth and almost spit it out. It’s not that it was disgusting taste wise, but it was just bad for me. I was half way done with my food and I felt full.

“I’m going upstairs.” I said starting to get up. “Nope. Finish. It wasn’t even a lot. It’s not that hard Vikk. You need to eat.” Josh said staring at me. I sat down.

It may not be a lot to the average eye, but to me it was too much.(a/n half a small plate full to the average eye) And it is hard. I’ll just get fatter if I keep eating so much. I don’t need to eat, but you force me to.

I finished what was on my plate and ran upstairs. I slammed my door shut locking it. I ran to my bathroom, locking that too. I leaned over the toilet and pushed my finger to the back of my throat. I felt like I was gonna puke so I did. I got up and flushed the toilet. I brushed my teeth to get rid of the acid taste in my mouth.

I went to my nightstand and grabbed my phone. I put on some music and laid on my bed. I drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

>Morning<