Miss Pessimistic | winrina/jiminjeong

Chapter 48

Silenced filled them both. 

"I don't think I can pick myself up this time. Nobody will." Her voice weak, and there was a forced smile etched on her lips.

"I just - I just love her so much."

Winter's heard it so many times, but she never says it back. She knows Karina loves her, so she doesn't bother. But the older female says it more often than hello, just in case she forgets.

"I'm sure she did loved you too. You don't know how much her eyes shine when she looks at you, how much adoration she has for you, I'm certain she loves you just as much as you love her." Yeonjun replied.

The emotions, the dangerous things she was trying so hard to keep inside burst open all of a sudden.

Karina isn't one to believe in fate, but meeting Winter.. It had to be an exception. By chance, she met her perfect half. Someone who melded so well into her, like a piece of a puzzle.

"Let's get you home." Yeonjun offered.

"Thank you.. for listening and for everything." Karina smiled. Her smile has always been spectacular, the kind that makes you think of a poetry and spring showers, a dazzler that can change your day. This smile, however, was not like that. It was tighter. It was strained. And, Yeonjun wondered if she was holding back or if she could no longer smile like she used to.

"Here, you're soaking wet. You'll get sick." Yeonjun took off his hoodie and gave it to her.

Karina appreciated the gesture but at the same time, everything reminded her of Winter.

.......

"Thank you! I owe you! Drive safe, 'kay?" Giselle bid her farewell at Yeonjun. She sighed when she walk up to a expresionless Karina

"Maybe living together was a bad idea." Karina whispered.

Her break-up with Winter had her more devastated than ever.

"I don't know how I'm going to continue living my life alone now."

Giselle held her hands. "You have me, we'll get through this together." 

There was a pause where she processed her words before her face twisted into something Giselle had never seen on her before. For a second, the girl thought she said something horrible. But it was gone as quick as it had come, replaced with indifference and coldness. She was angry - not at her but at herself. At everything in general.

"I hate father. I hate myself." Karina stood up as she rushed towards her room. She aggressively throw everything on her way when she couldn't find what she's looking for.

"Rina, calm down please!" 

"I can't! This is all my fault! I did this to us! I should die.. I should die!" Karina started yelling. She grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around her neck. Giselle was too stunned to move but when Karina went to the veranda she quickly gripped her wrist and forced her back inside.

Giselle hugged her tight. So tight she doesn't want to let her go.

"Winter is not the only girl in the world! Stop it!" She cried.

Giselle bit her lower lip as she felt Karina slowly calm down. She didn't want her to be like that. Seeing her in that position only brings back memories of when she tried to forget Ningning.

Karina did not stop crying. It is her tears that keep her soul alive in the furnace of this pain. they cannot extinguish what has been, yet only carry her forward until a time comes when that searing pain is distant enough to forget more than remember, and maybe one day erase itself from her brain.

She sat up, feeling terrible. "I'm so tired, Gigi."

"I know, I know you are." Giselle caressed her hair. "We all are."

.....

"You should rest. I'll fix things up." Giselle helped her get to her own bedroom. She smiled at her weakly. The girl looks so tired than ever, she might not say it but seeing Ningning earlier that day triggered something in her.

"Goodnight and don't do something stupid. Don't leave me too, Rina. You're all I have." Giselle sounded desperate

"I won't, I'll just rest. I'm sorry for scaring you earlier." 

"I'll be outside." Giselle slowly closed the door, and soon as she's gone. Karina inhaled a huge amount of air

She looked outside the window. Her thoughts wander to Winter. Even if she didn't want forever. Karina wondered what she was doing right now? She wondered what the girl was thinking, Was she remembering her? Was she as miserable as what she feels now?

Her vision blurred. She clenched her chest and reached for their picture on the side of the bed.

Tears fell.. because no matter what happen. No matter how many times Winter hurt her and say something spiteful towards her, she would never be able to hate the girl.

Because she love Winter that much. She loves how innocent she stares at her, she loves how she's patient with her, she love the sound of her voice that never fails to give her butterflies everytime, she loves how her smile makes her heart skip a beat. And, she'll miss the feeling of how everytime they are together.. she feel so complete and safe.

Karina will always love Winter unconditionally. And, she knew that love will never change.

a/n: hopefully, i'll be able to update everyday again but since xmas break is coming it might come true. btw, i love lucid dream so much!!! hope you like this update.