Stars in your eyes

Chapter 8

/Jake's side/

It's 7:30 am, Jake is on his bus in direction of school. Another week is starting. It's always hard on Mondays, but at least he had a great weekend with Alexander. It was great to be close with him again. It's even better now that he know how he truly feels about him. Sometimes he wonder if Alexander is thinking the same. But a part of him is convinced that Alexander probably don't feel the same and just want them to be friends. After all, he can't really know if he feels the same if he don't reveal his feelings to him. He's not ready to do that yet. After years of being best friends, him confessing his feelings would just tor appart their friendship. It feels wrong at the same time to do it. What if he don't like guys? It's disappointing to think about it. Maybe he wouldn't want to talk to him ever again after knowing that he's into guys. They're never going to be friends again and Alexander would make fun of him. What about his parents and Alexander's parents? He know damn well Alexander's parents aren't going to be happy. Jake tries to reassure himself. The only to not get disappointed or stressed is to not tell him. He's going to love him secretly. No one's gonna know about it. He can just daydream about going out with him but that's all. But deep down, he really want to go out for real with him. With no shame, with no stress knowing that he loves him too. Jake thinks about the reaction of his family. He never told his family that he was into guys, but he have that feeling that they might be less mad about it than with Alexander's parents. Whenever he sees him he want to tell him how he has been truly feeling for the last few weeks and how much he would want to go out with him. He's too scared to do it for now. One day maybe when the occasion will come, he's gonna do it. For now, it's better to not say anything. Maybe he even got a partner already and he doesn't even know? That reminds him of a few days ago when he was scrolling through Instagram and saw a picture of a girl that Alexander had liked. He had that feeling of being somewhat betrayed, because usually Alexander introduce all of his friends to him. But he never introduced her yet. He really wants to know who it is, but it would sound weird to say that he's stalking his liked pictures. It can feel weird to be in love with your best friend, but for Jake, it's like a part of him since weeks always have been in love with him. When the bus arrives at his destination he gets out and and walk towards the school. Usually the first things he looks for is Alexander. He already found him. He was right in front of the school hugging someone. That person looked a lot like the girl on the picture he liked. Probably just an impression. But when he walks a bit further without Alexander looking, he realize that indeed this is the girl in the picture. He completely froze. So they're actually.. dating? Or no she's probably just a friend right?

After a few days, Jake wasn't talking to Alexander much. He didn't want to even get too close to him, even tho he likes his presence. He's been feeling down since he saw him with the other girl. The thing is that, not only have he saw her with him once, but multiple times. Almost each day of the week after or before school they meet each other out of the school and talk with each other. There was no point of trying to get closer with him if he already have a girlfriend. All the hopes he have are gone. He could have found the courage to tell him his true feelings, even if he said no, he would still feel the relief of letting his feelings out. But since he got a partner, it's not even worth it. That's true, he changed. He got a girlfriend now and they probably won't spend time together anymore since he's gonna spend all of this time with his girlfriend. He avoided him in the hallways and practicality didn't talk to him in class. At lunch he would go to the cafe alone or with him, but he was not saying anything. It's sad to think about how he's now going to think differently about him. A part of him would still love him, but the other would think it's wrong to feel any attraction to Alexander while knowing he's taken and that he have no chance with him. He probably isn't into guys after all. If he can't tell him he loves him, he'll just write it down on a piece of paper to let it out, and hide it so no one would ever know it.