Dolore di Layla

Chapter 19

A week to some persons who spent it with loved ones might seem like seconds, but to Layla, it seemed like a year, like time had stood still, mocking her. To some, she might seem weak, pathetic, even hopeless, and maybe to an extent they were right but you cannot expect someone who hasn't been in such a position to know how it feels.
Life always seems easier when you're watching from the sidelines, you'd always have lots of opinions on what should be done but when put in the position to carry out the bragged acts, one loses all the said courage.
Waking up each day felt like a chore, she was exhausted, mentally and emotionally. Xaviar's actions had taken a toll on her. She couldn't decipher if it was love or addiction. She felt attached to him, what she couldn't understand was why.
Why does she want him?
Why does she crave his touch?
Why does she crave his attention?
Even after all that had transpired between them, a sick part of her ached for him.

This particular day started just like the rest. Wake at noon, drag me to the shower, eat junk, and ideally lay on my bed.
The nagging thought of Xaviar's betrayal struggling to set free and rake havoc. Kay had gone to work, she was a secretary at a fast-rising establishment in the city. Which made me question what my life had become, a college graduate with a degree in public relations and I had no job, my life had revolved around Xaviar so much that I didn't bother doing things for myself, so many unfulfilled dreams I left behind just to play the dotting girlfriend and wife role, now it was all exploding in my face.
  The beeping of my phone brings me back to my surrounding, it was a text from my mom. I would be going to my family's house later in the day, mom had texted as a reminder to pack up.
The pop-up of another notification drew my attention to Instagram. It was from Xaviar's account, he had recently made a post. 
A picture of Sophia decorated his page proudly, a bright smile plastered across her face and a diamond-encrusted ring sat on her finger for everyone to see.

They had gotten engaged!

It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest.
Why would he do something like that?
Was I not enough for him?
Of course, I wasn't enough, why would I even expect to be enough for him. Our life together, our memories meant nothing to him. I was the only one who had taken it to heart. The only one who cared genuinely.
I was a fool, to ever let myself develop feelings for him in the first place. 

My eyes quickly glanced through the caption of the post, in my whole years of being with Xaviar, he had never written something so emotional about me, he was in love with her, it was obvious, even a blind man could see it.

"Words fail me as an amazing woman has said 'yes' to being my wife. Through all my wrong deeds and mistakes you have stood by me and been an astonishing blessing. You complete me completely, who else could love a man like me the way you do?
Thank you for saying yes,
Thank you for also carrying my child,
I love you endlessly "

"Thank you for also carrying my child "

Those words rang repeatedly at the speed of light in my head.
She was pregnant!
For Xaviar! My husband!

"He wants a child with her but he doesn't want yours"

It was back! Back to torment me, Back to drag me into despair.

"You were nothing but a pastime, a toy!" My compulsive thoughts rang on as I shut my eyes, I felt an unimaginable pain emit from within me and all hell broke loose.

The first drops of tears rolled down my closed eyes, its warmth reminding me of everything I had, every love I felt, every joy I experienced, every moment of laughter I had been part of. Those tears were a reminder of what I lost, what I wouldn't have the luxury of experiencing with him, with my Xaviar.
    I could feel myself crumbling from within like I had been cut a thousand times. With each tear that rolled down my cheeks, I felt my heart crumbling along with it.