Violet Roses | Saiki K

Chapter 17

Akemi opened her mouth to argue with him, but something dawned on her. He was right.

"Look, things are never going to be the same. I'm still trying to understand that too. But... I know we're going to get to a point where we can function similarly to how we did before." Taiyo took in a deep breath. "The pain is never going to really go away. But if we keep trying, we'll reach a point where it doesn't hurt as much and we'll find happiness again. Even if it's not the same."

Akemi processed his words. He was right. Things would eventually get better. They just had to keep going and eventually, they'd learn to accept that Hanaka is gone in a way that won't make them want to cry every two minutes.

"Ok," Akemi mumbled, barely able to even hear herself.

"What?"

"Ok. Let's do that." Akemi repeated.

Taiyo smiled at her, "Just get through this next week and I promise I'll make sure this Christmas isn't terrible."

"Ok."

* * *

"Kumiko, do you have any plans for Christmas?" Teruhashi questioned. It was one of their last days before the winter break and everyone was in high spirits.

Akemi nodded, "I'm... going out of town..."

"Oh, ok," Teruhashi said, obviously confused by her tone, but she continued anyway, "Where are you going?"

Akemi felt her chest tighten, "My old town... Some... Some of my family lives there..."

"That sounds like fun," Teruhashi replied, sounding unsure if she should continue or not.  "Anyways, if you come back for New Year's, you should hang out with me and the others."

"Sure," Akemi said, giving Teruhashi a weak smile. Teruhashi smiled back as Akemi finally stood up and grabbed her things.

"Can I walk home with you?" Teruhashi asked as they walked out of the classroom. Akemi shot her a glare before walking ahead of her, leaving a confused Teruhashi behind her. Akemi didn't want to listen to whatever Teruhashi would ramble about on the way home. And Akemi just didn't want to be around her anymore.

As she was walking home, she subconsciously brought herself to Ren's flower shop. She let out a sigh before opening the door and walking inside.

"I'm sorry we're-" Ren looked up from where he was setting down a watering can. "Oh, Akemi. Hey."

"Hey, sorry if it's not ok for me to just come in here. I actually didn't realize you were closed." Akemi said with a small, forced laugh.

Ren frowned, noticing something was wrong, "Are you ok?"

Akemi took a deep breath. She had come to the flower shop, even during her month of struggles, but she hadn't told him anything. She had known Ren had noticed something was wrong, but he had never asked, so Akemi didn't tell him anything.

"Actually... there is... something..." Akemi said hesitantly. She felt her heartbeat speed up a bit and took another deep breath. "I... We're... It's..."

"You don't have to force yourself to tell me," Ren interrupted. Akemi's gaze fell to the floor. This was exactly why Akemi wanted to tell Ren. He always made her feel like she wasn't being forced into anything. Like she could speak what she wanted to without it causing damage to everything. He was just easy to talk to.

"I'm going to my old town for Christmas," Akemi started, quietly. She took a deep breath, "We're going to visit my... my mother's grave..."

Silence filled the room and Akemi knew Ren was staring at her with a stunned expression. It was a long time before he finally spoke up, "Oh."

More silence followed. Akemi shifted, immediately regretting saying anything. I should've just changed the subject. Ren wouldn't have cared. Damn it.

"I didn't know... about your mom..." Ren said after a few minutes. Akemi glanced up at him and he was staring at a plant. "I noticed something about her, but I didn't really ever give it much thought..."

"It's fine. I never really wanted to tell anyone so it doesn't matter." Akemi mumbled.

"If you don't mind me asking, what happened to her? Your mom?" Ren asked, but he immediately regretted it, "Nevermind. You don't have to answer that. It's fine. I don't wanna get into a sensitive topic if you don't want to."

Akemi took a deep breath before sitting down on the floor in front of Ren. She closed her eyes and took a few more deep breaths, "My mom died just over six months ago. She got sick..." Akemi opened her eyes and her gaze drifted to the flowers, "She's the one you made me love flowers so much... I've told you about the garden we had at our old house, right? It was her's. I loved it there... So much..."

Ren didn't respond. He just stared at her, concern in his eyes. Akemi could tell he didn't know what to say. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he was scared of saying the wrong thing.

"Look, I just-" Akemi took in a sharp breath and she closed her eyes again to keep herself from crying. "I just wanted to let you know where I was going... So now you know..."

Loud silence rang between them again and Akemi pulled her knees closer to her chest. Her heart was pounding in her ears and she was struggling to hold back tears. I should've never said anything. I should've never said anything.

"Then... Thanks for telling me..." Ren muttered hesitately. "I, uh... Really don't know what to say..."

Akemi let out a long sigh, "You don't really have to say anything."

She took a deep breath and stood up. Ren watched her as she started walking toward the door, "Wait. You're leaving?"

"I don't wanna listen to your pity," Akemi snapped, not looking back at Ren. She wasn't sure why she suddenly felt upset with Ren. She just had this feeling he would end up saying something that would irritate her and didn't really want that to happen.

Akemi reached for the door but then Ren spoke up. "Pity? Akemi, I'm your friend. If I'm not allowed to worry about you and care about your feelings we're gonna have problems."

"I don't need you to worry about me," Akemi growled, glancing back at him.

Ren narrowed his eyes at her and stood up, "Seriously? Akemi, if you don't let people help you, things certainly won't get better."

"And what do you know!" Akemi yelled suddenly, causing Ren to flinch. "I told you this just now so don't act like you know what I'm going through."

Ren let out a sigh, "Akemi, I do know you. I could tell you were going through something long before now. I know how much you close yourself off. I can tell."

"Shut up," Akemi muttered, glaring at Ren. She felt tears start to fall down her face.

"Letting people help you is not being weak," Ren stated.

"You don't get it," Akemi mumbled, taking a step back so she was leaning against the door.

"No, I don't," Ren said. Akemi looked up at him and she saw his eyes filled with worry. "But I never will if you don't talk to me about it. Sometimes opening up to someone and just talking about how you feel will help."

Akemi closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. He's right. I know he's right.

"Ok..."

"What?"

"Ok..." Akemi repeated quietly. "I'll tell you about it."