Keep Me Wild ~B.Barnes

seventeen

Bucky Barnes

"So, Mr Barnes, are you still having nightmares?"

I didn't want to be here.

This was stupid and I wasn't going to get anywhere with it, but Lucy said that if I didn't go, the government would force me.

She wasn't wrong, because it didn't take long for my phone to start ringing.

It was Rhodey, who I'd spoken to a little but not excessively.

He thanked me for my service in the fight against Thanos, and told me that I needed government mandated therapy to make sure I wouldn't become the Winter Solider again.

I thought I was doing better.

I don't know what happened, I had been doing so well.

"James, I asked you a question."

I was doing so well, but one one day I just started having nightmares again.

My past came back to haunt me.

I knew it would.

Lucy was there for me, but she couldn't stop the bad dreams from coming back.

No one could.

"Are you still having nightmares?"

"No." I responded, which was an obvious lie.

I wouldn't be here if I wasn't having them.

"I've been doing this long enough, that I can tell when you're lying."

I stayed silent, and Dr Raynor gave me a knowing look.

She knows.

"Did something happen recently?"

"No." I responded, but deep down I knew I was hung up over Steve giving Sam the shield and leaving.

It was for the best, but it still kept me up at night.

As well as the nightmares.

I missed him.

He was the only thing that connected me to who I was before the Winter Solider.

Steve was the only one that knew the young, innocent Bucky Barnes.

The one who wanted to go fight wars and save the country.

But he left.

"You're a civilian now, with your history, the government needs to know that you're not gonna-"

"I know." I said, making Doc nod.

"It's a condition of your pardon so, tell me about your most recent nightmare."

"I didn't have a nightmare." I said, and she let out a deep, annoyed breath before picking up her notebook.

I fucking hate the notebook.