escort | njm

twenty-nine.

"Oh I see, that's great, I think?"

"Why?" Areum questions, and he fears he might not be able to answer this question. "Nothing, don't worry much about it, just a thought you know?" And there it is again, feeding her white empty lies but he never knew it could cause that much of an impact towards her. "Oh okay..." Jaemin could swore he felt his stomach dropping to the very bottom pit of his stomach when he heard a hint of disappointment present in her voice.

"You should head to sleep soon." He pats on the back of her head, gently caressing it, hoping it would sooth her a little. "Yeah, I'll go get a cup of water." Areum moves away from his caressing, slipping out under the duvets. "I'll get it for you." Jaemin volunteered but it was politely declined and he wonders if he did or said anything wrong for her to react like this. "No it's fine, I'll get it on my own, you should get some sleep." And then she shuts the door shut behind her, leaving Jaemin on the bed, feeling empty with his head propped up by his palm and falling back onto the mattress.

The kitchens were the birthplace of the most homey of aromas, the kind of fragrances that spoke directly to the best of one's memories together but she finds herself by the counter in the dimly lit room. A cup of chill water in her hands, it barely quenches the thirst she had, barely made her feel fresher, it just made her feel worse than she already was before. "He likes another girl..." Areum mumbles to herself, subconsciously visualizing Jaemin kissing Min Rae and she knows she shouldn't be doing that, it'll just hurt her more than it already does.

But at the end of the day, he was never hers to claim, they never had anything more than a friendship, because they never progressed anywhere else. Even so, it'll take a little time for her to let him go, but at the end of the day she'd always be so ready with her arms open to welcome him home anytime. Areum remembers watching Jaemin across the penthouse, him in his navy blue suit, and she might never wanna be friends with him anymore, because she wants him more than that.

Areum could spend hours, staring into the whites of his eyes, watching his pupils dilate. She wants him here, and she's glad he is her, but not as the love of her life, just as a status of her best-friend. She wants him to fall into her — spending hours together with the blankets wrapped around them as they went on marathon for movies, she wants to hear him say "I love you." but she realises it's all an imagination, something she could never have.

It's him, it's Jaemin — when she carelessly stumbles upon his introduction post, when he found her because he was lost, they were so lost together. When he was the only one she ever showed her vulnerable, affectionate side of hers to him. Because it's him, him who was always being there for her when she's at her lowest, when he comes over and rambles about how her microwave shouldn't be placed next to the sink for her safety. When he comes over for a sleepover or a movie night and it has always been him. But they never gave it a go.

Gave him everything she had and he tossed it in the trash so mindlessly, all because he found someone else new who isn't her. For him to give her all his love was everything she had ever asked for, but she never realises he is giving her the love she ever asked for. She snaps her eye shut from the sudden migraine, clenching her palms into a fist, setting the glass in her sink before making her way back to the bedroom.

And there is Jaemin, cuddled up under her duvet, invading her room with his scent, something she'd never get over. Areum gingerly enters the duvets, the last thing she'd do now was to wake him up, after all the sleep he has lost out on all for university. Her fingers run across his tender cheeks, a slight shade of pink from the coldness of the air conditioner, and his skin has always been sensitive to such things. "I'd catch a grenade for you, throw my hand on a blade for you, I'd jump in front of a train for you." Areum rambles, finding herself singing to the lyrics of a song that she never thought she'd relate to, not until now.

"You know I'd do anything for you. I would go through all this pain, take a bullet straight through my brain. Yes, I would die for you." Because she would die for him, as long as he was happy, and a single tear trickled down her cheeks but she shouldn't. She shouldn't let herself cry for a man who wasn't hers, for a man who just wanted to herself for her whole life, but he belonged to someone else. "But you won't do the same." Areum's wrong about that, he'd do the same for her, hell he'd even do something worse for her where the pain's worse.

Jaemin never knew what she wanted, but he wanted to be the one who holds her hand forever because he thinks they look good together, but they never gave it a shot like always. He'll make her feel special, he promised himself that and he'll help her feel less stressful on days where she overtired herself from studying. This was what he always wanted from the start, he thinks he has mental issues, always fucking miss her. That's why he always shows up unannounced to her apartment, all he wants is her now.

Areum feels her eyes drooping, but she feels that she might just run away from him, from everyone. She's gonna pack her things and leave him behind specifically, he's everything she wanted, and she can't deal with all his lovers or one night dates. The feeling's old, she's getting bored of it, they never progress. Because he shattered her soul unknowingly, she loves him so she had to let him go.

Areum knows that it's never possible of her doing that, all she does is sit and think about him, collapse her veins when he appears at her doorstep past midnight in a suit, it's not living if it's not with him. He was the only one who could put up with her even when she was moody, he could see through her. When she starts losing herself, he knows everything, what to do and what to say just to put her at ease ever so easily. He reads her like a book, when she's down, his actions towards her scares her, how he was so good and gentle towards someone almost losing their sanity.

At the end of the night, despite whatever thoughts she had about him, whatever she had said about him, she'd still pick him over anyone else, even if there was a line of hot guys that were her type, he'd always be her first choice. Areum glances at the clock on her nightstand, the numbers illuminating the darkness of her room, big bold green numbers forming a "03:00". This isn't the first time she had him on her mind at 3 in the morning, and it's not the first time we've gone through this, him in her embrace with his face snuggled into her chest. She's wanting him more and more, she can't help but think of what they could be, hell she doesn't even like him that much, or what she convinces herself to be.

She swore she would tell him, but it'll only worsen the relationship, she doesn't wanna ruin it because for her, being by his side even as just a best-friend was enough but never enough for her heart. Hell she would go wherever he goes without him asking, even if it means that they'll be on the road tonight. She can never and will never get enough of him, she'd wait for him but she's getting tired of it, she might just give up on it. He promised they'll be fine asides his job of escorting, he says he was hers and she was his, but he never meant it that way.

"Goodnight, I love you even if it means that you don't love me back. I will always wait for you."