Second (History Plays, Book 1)

20: my love shall ne'er decline

Gaveston

New Year's week passes all too quickly. The lodge is simple and quiet. We spend our days out skiing, skating, or snow shoeing on the trails. In the evenings we play games as a whole or in small groups. We see little of Isabella and Mortimer, and while all is civil they intentionally keep their distance. Edward makes no bones about being attached to me, around them or otherwise. And I see Isabella's eyes burn into me when she sees him holding my hand. Her jealousy is obvious, but Edward cares little for it, barely speaking to her beyond pleasantries.
And every night I happily return to Edward's arms. A rich world of joy I never knew I needed. I'm sick with contentment and fulfilled beyond measure. I had no plan to do this, now. I just have this odd sense that if not now when? And I thought I'd feel some weird regret after my first time. However, there is nothing but the notion that this was how it was meant to be. It was always meant to be him. And I'm glad of it no matter what comes with the new year.
We ring in the new year on the deck. Respective couples kiss, Pippa even kisses Teddy, which makes him blush. Edward goes and hugs Kent who pushes him into a snowbank. I could help him out, but I do not, instead tossing myself on top of him to kiss him.
That's how I have my first champagne, there celebrating the New Year with everyone. I like it better than I thought, though Mannix and I both only have a glass. Teddy and Pippa are allowed to taste it, but are not given their own glasses. Everyone else gets decidedly drunker, to the extent I have to haul Edward upstairs, leave him, then guide Kent to his room. The Caernarfon siblings are no strangers to alcohol, it would seem. Isabella and Mortimer, though they drink, have a much lower tolerance. Not so with my betrothed, no, he and his fool brother chase beers with whiskey and are still standing for the most part. The bar does not question it at all. I'm honestly surprised, the amount of underage drinking and sexual content in my life all of a sudden, considering I had a nice YA boarding school coming of age romance going, that things have now gotten inappropriate.
Mannix doesn't drink much either, though. She'll have a beer as we soak in a hot tub, but that's about all. I try a couple of beers but I'm not a fan of the taste, nor how sleepy they make me, when I would rather the days never ended. The Caernarfon siblings are not of the same mind, though Edward will usually cut off several hours before bed, so he can be sober enough to enjoy me. I appreciate that, even if I like the sharp taste of whiskey as it still lingers on his lips.
Pippa goes back home first, right after New Year, as do Isabella and Mortimer, which I don't personally mind. We all stay the rest of the week flying out Sunday morning to get back home and unpacked and ready for school. We all dread it, I think Edward and I the most. I've grown accustomed to our safe bubble, where I can play with his hair, or kiss his cheek, or put my hand in his when I like. The airport is a rude awakening from that, as I go to put my hand in his only to realize that of course I can't. Not anymore.  Not here.
We fly first class, I just roll my eyes at Edward at this point.
"I'm tall okay? So are you," he says, pushing me into my seat next to him. The girls sit in front of us, and Teddy opposite. Edward booked out the seat next to him so he wouldn't have to sit by anyone. Well, we can't prove Edward did that, but we know he did. He did not do the same for Kent who is in coach. He comes and tries to sit on his brother. That works until I pinch him. In the end he gets the seat next to Teddy that Edward claims he didn't buy. But he clearly did.
I realize as we get back that I've never enjoyed vacation before. And I've never enjoyed real life before. Wait, I've just never enjoyed things. And it's not the boyfriend-sex part, though that was really definitely great, it was not just that. No. I've had a shitty life up till now, I think. Because I can't recall experiencing true enjoyment like that. I had a nice time. I had fun nobody got cross with me and I was not made to feel miserable. I was made to feel loved, and like I mattered, and like I'm of value, and like I'm worth spending the time with. I never felt like that before. I don't even know what to do with the feeling but I also feel guilty for having it so that's there. I don't know how to voice it out loud though. And I'm too stubborn not to go with it. I like being happy. So I shall stay this way.
Coach is there to pick us up from the airport. He does three head counts and makes a comment about being shocked we're all in one piece, then helps us collect our bags. I packed mine and Edwards so we have one less because one fit in the other because I know how to fold things and I got zero help because 'if it wrinkles a lot I'm going to buy a new one' is apparently Edward's constant laundry philosophy, it's not just to do with uniforms when he's trying to kiss me. Good to know.
Dover house is bustling with everyone moving back in after the long holiday. But for us it is so quiet. I've been so wrapped up in my world where homophobia does not exist, I forgot it existed here. And it is brutal.
Nobody outside our little crew even speaks to me anymore. They suspect about Edward, but they go easier on him. Teddy seethes about it, but Edward herds us both to the room and cautions us not to react. Teddy and I are kind of hot headed, so we doubt if we can do it.
Moving back in is comforting. I hang up my new clothes and all of Edward's things that need hanging up, while he hinders me and is ridiculous. Teddy gets his stuff put away and we go over schedules. Mostly the same, except instead of music I'm taking art history, to be with Edward, and Teddy is taking riding as a sport along with fencing, that's only because Pippa rides. She has a horse, that her parents board here apparently. I realize we don't talk about it a lot, since it doesn't directly affect me or my relationship which are really my two main concerns followed closely by fencing which it also does not affect, but yes Rose and Swan has a riding stables.
And the school day is a sharp return to reality. I love this school, and I love my friends and I love fencing and I love scones for breakfast, and I love thick roast beef sandwiches for lunch and I love the big hairy dog that drools on my clean uniforms and I love roast lamb and wild rice for dinner and I love everything to do with how often I eat at this school.
But the people in it can go to hell.
Even my fencing team is a nightmare. After the revelation at the winter formal, no matter the 'official' determination, the court of public opinion has declared me entirely homosexual. Which I am. But.
The boys complain to Coach about me using the locker room at the fencing studio. Teddy gets cross about that. In the end Teddy and I wind up always changing in the dorms to avoid people. Classes aren't much better. People go from acting like I don't exist, to openly mocking me.
Edward complains, on my behalf, but nothing is done and he doesn't have it a lot better himself. They're a bit afraid of him, but not much. Not enough to keep them away. Kent sticks with him as much as he can, when I can't, and he often walks both of us and Teddy back to Dover house. We travel in small packs now, but more than once rotten things are slipped into our bags or lockers. Father Thomas is livid and does his best, but there's no consequences for these children, not when their parents don't care to discipline them or teach them to be normal people in the first place.
But we get by. We have each other. That's the point. We are all we need, and  however nice it would be to lead normal lives like everyone else, we clearly do not get to.