Serendipity

21

While Anupama left Anuj's house with more love and respect for both these men who had of late become an integral part of her life, she was none the wiser about her future. The discussion had been left rather ambiguous. Anuj's stance was clear, a six-month engagement with the possibility of seeing how it panned out, GK wanted it to be all or nothing, a wedding or just friendship, but they both had left the decision to Anupama.

She'd thought hard about it, as she'd walked down the road, as she'd hailed an auto-rickshaw, as she'd climbed up the stairs to her apartment - what did she want? Did she want another permanent relationship? Or did the idea of a six-month engagement make more sense? The idea of the engagement appealed to her a whole lot more - she who'd never been engaged, even to Vanraj; who'd never experienced the joy of premarital relationships. She would very much like that - some courting, some dining, the flowers, and long phone conversations - all of which she'd only seen in Bollywood films. 

But then life was no Bollywood movie. GK's arguments came to mind. Would she be able to deal with the aftermath if the engagement broke? Would she have her answers ready for society, if she didn't get married to Anuj Kapadia? And what about the Shahs? Although she was far away from their lives, she still had three children who lived with them. She could never be too far away from them. And what then?

She'd barely managed to cope with the scars of the divorce. Just the news of her engagement with Anuj Kapadia had brought an enraged Vanraj to her doorstep. Would she single-handedly be able to deal with him after? Whatever her decision her life was going to change forever.

Her mind asked her to proceed cautiously. After all, she hadn't known GK and Anuj for very long. Could they be trusted?

But her heart protested. Anupama had never received so much love, so much care, consideration, and respect even from her own family. People in her life had time for everything else but her. People in her life had cared for everyone else but her. But Anuj and GK? They'd cared for her. They'd respected her enough to let her be the one to decide.

The moment every family waits for after their son's marriage was here. Anupama was pregnant. She didn't know whether to be ecstatic or petrified. This was all so new to her. The feelings, the sensations both physical and emotional. She was having terrible morning sickness, throwing up everything she ate and yet continuing to do all of the household chores. As weakness engulfed her, she often sought refuge on the steps that led to the front porch of their house. She slept with her head supported by the balustrade. For that was the only spot her mother-in-law didn't create a scene. Leela, after all, had an image to upkeep in front of the world at large. 

Considerate neighbours, who understood her plight, fed her lemon sherbet from time to time to help ease her symptoms. Leela and Vanraj couldn't care less. Leela's only fear was that the child shouldn't be a girl. Vanraj stayed silent while his mother continued to fret over the unborn child's gender.

While the constant taunt extremely hurt Anupama, she still soldiered on for the sake of the child, firmly believing that once the child was born all of this would change.

It did. Anupama had delivered a healthy baby boy. While Leela sent an extra pack of laddoos as prasad for Kanhaji, Vanraj announced that his son would be named Paritosh. No one asked Anupama what her opinion was. Her job was done. The child now belonged to the Shah family. He was Vanraj Shah's firstborn. As usual, Anupama was nowhere.

GK and Anuj were nothing like the Shahs. They had thought her opinion mattered. They had thought her worthy to have a say in her own life's decision. Except, after staying silent for so long, she didn't know how to make a decision.

For 26 years she'd accepted the fact that it was always the others - her mother, her mother-in-law, her husband, her sons, her daughter who'd decided her fate - be it something as trivial as her wardrobe or something life-changing like choosing her husband. For the first time, she was being given a say. And she was lost.

She didn't know whom she could ask for help. And so she turned to her only source of comfort - Kanha Ji.

"I know what my heart wants," she whispered to the idol. "And I know you know that too.

"But I'm scared. I'm scared of making the wrong decision. I'm scared of what will happen after. I'm scared of the future. I'm scared of hurting Anuj Ji and Kaka. I'm scared. I'm very scared.

"Please help me. Please help me make a decision that will work in all our favour. Anuj Ji and Kaka have a very special place in my life. Please help me decide so I don't hurt them in any way."

She prayed for a way out. Yet, right at that moment, she saw none. She hoped she'd have an answer soon enough.