In My Blood

Twelve - Look Up At the Stars

"The night sky is like a reminder that dark things and shadows can be pretty too." Camila whispered, staring up at the stars that twinkled down at them.

The rocks were hard under Shawn's body, but he kind of like it. Camila traced one of the tattoos on Shawn's arm. "The stars remind me about perspective, and how they seem so little, yet so big. When you're close to them, they are huge, but when you're far, you can barely see them. Just like with people, if you are close with them, not distance, but in a relationship where you know them well, they seem really important, but if you only see them from a glance, they seem almost insignificant. It also reminds me that we are small, and insignificant to things like stars and planets, yet that inspires me to just live in the world we're in." Camila stood, twirling around in the dark.

"Someone's getting poetic," Shawn joked, standing up, and giving her a small hug.

"What do you see when you look up?" Camila said.

"A world too big for me to tackle alone," Shawn whispered, and they both stumbled down the rocky cliffs to the soft grass. "A blank canvas for me to paint with you."

Camila slowly walked closer to him, resting a hand on his chest. "I see a place I can explore with you." She reached up on her toes, gently pressing her lips to his, before settling back down on her heels.

Shawn felt his heartbeat speed up. He bent his head down, letting their noses brush. He grabbed her hands in his, holding onto the little trail of warmth. Even in the dark, he could see the sparkle in her eyes, the way they held his.

She let her hand rest on his cheek, and he let himself lean into it, pushing her dark hair out of her face. "We should probably get going soon."

"Probably." They made no move to leave, but the sound of a camera taking a picture had Shawn whipping around, glaring daggers through the bushes and trees. Shawn's heart skipped a beat.

On reflex, he stood in a protective stance, looking around before spotting a faint white light. He knew he had a bodyguard button on his ankle, but he didn't want to press it yet. He could feel Camila's hand on his arm, and attempted to slow his heartbeat. He slowly pressed forwards.

Huddled behind a bush sat a teenage girl, with a phone at the ready. "Umm hi." Her voice sounded sickeningly sweet and arrogant, the moonlight catching the bright red lipstick on her lips. She stood up.

Shawn took a step back. "Uh." Without thinking, he pressed the button on his ankle, which was on a silver chain anklet, before standing once again in front of Camila.

Before the girl could do anything, Shawn's bodyguard grabbed her by the wrist, making her drop the phone, and gave her a glare, rotating around her so that he was in front of Shawn.

Shawn turned around to study Camila, who looked surprised, but mainly annoyed that there had been an eavesdropper.

The bodyguard took the camera and wiped it's memory, before wordlessly herding Shawn and Camila into a long black limo.

Shawn's head rested against the window, chin propped up with his hand. His other hand held Camila's, who was searching Instagram to see if she had posted it.

Streetlights passed overhead, changing the shadows in the car. The car pulled to a stop, and car horns honked. The car slowly inched forwards.

Sirens were ringing. Flashing lights.

Shawn closed his eyes. The monster inside of him was stirring. He unknowingly let go of Camila's hand to rest on both hands, propped up on his knees.

Camila gave him a worried look as his insides squirmed. The car lurched forward, and he felt something clawing its way to his heart. Darkness spread inside him, he covered his eyes. His breathing became ragged, and came out in short bursts, his heart was beating faster than a hummingbird's wings. He felt trapped, and he swallowed hard as his breathing hitched. He couldn't inhale enough air. Overwhelmed and dizzy, he leaned back, a lump forming in his throat.

"Shawn-"

He could barely hear her. He tried not to panic, but every inch of him felt terrified. If only he could just let go.

There was a hand holding his. He tried to focus on it, but gave up when he got a migraine.

"Shawn, listen to m..." The voice faded out. He took a gulp of air, but it only made him dizzier. He could feel that pounding in his head, it felt like his brain was dancing around inside his skull. The voice tried again. "Who is your favourite book character?" (I don't actually know, I'm just guessing)

He tried to answer, but his throat felt closed off.

"It's okay," she whispered, and he felt her hands gently holding onto his. "Lucien from A Court of Thorns and Roses," she said softly for him. "Because he's so snarky."

"Ron," he whispered, barely managing to choke out the answer.

She nodded encouragingly, and her outline became clearer. "Come on." She led him out of the car and up into his bedroom, where she left him to change. He followed her, feeling dazed. He managed to process what he was doing enough to grab warmer sleepwear. When he had changed, she turned off the lamps on the two sides of the bed.

He felt exhausted, but he could breathe normally again, his eyelids feeling heavy. "Love you." He fell asleep the quickest he had in a long time.