bad expectations | jfg

48

IF YOU JUST READ 45 DON'T READ THIS. THIS IS 48.

The chapter's are going to start messing up again because Wattpad is a fuckboy so delete Bad Expectations from your library, go to "discover," type in "drunkenjacks" and just re-add it. :-)

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It's been a week and I've been patiently waiting for Jack to say something about dating again. God, I feel like I have caved so easily. But what was I trying to keep up? My hatred for him? I stopped feeling things for him months ago so it's not like I ever hated him, but I've been attempting to convince myself that liking him is wrong.

I still try to deny that I like him but it's so hard to because we're together every day. He's been here for three weeks and both him and Jack J are going back to Omaha in seven days.

Maybe he doesn't really like me. I'm not an oblivious person, anyone who was in my shoes could see that Jack does indeed have feelings for me as well, but why won't he do anything about it? He looks that me all the time, teases me and taps my shoulder when I'm walking too fast and all of that, but he never gets too close to me.

The closest physically we've been was when he touched my hips through my sweatshirt on the monkey bars. I get butterflies just thinking about it. He really is a distraction throughout my day, I can't help but think what him and Jack do all day without me.

It's so pathetic how sometimes, when we're together, I actually want to kiss him. Isn't that insane? I just really want to. I barely remember how our kiss used to feel like but I do remember the way it seemed to light my body on fire, I think I miss that.

It's nice being friends with him. He's really good at being one, but all I want is to be able to talk to him while holding hands or something.

He tells me how excited he is for college but how upset he is about not being able to go to school with Jack J. anymore. That's the type of thing that makes me so nervous, he may leave and we may not start anything that I long to.

It doesn't really make sense to me when I attempt to piece it all together. The first night he came here he confessed fake love to me in attempt to get me to jump right into his arms, and when I didn't, I think he seemed to kind of give up right away. Then why is he still here? If he has a mission in mind, I can tell that it's failing.

I don't like chasing after him without him knowing and I don't like being the one that gets caught staring at him all the time. It used to be the other way around and now every time I'm with him I just look at him. It's been twenty two days since he's been here and I'm still in semi shock, so I just stare at him and it feels as if every time I do, he always catches me.

He doesn't say anything about it, he just kind of looks away because he doesn't want me to feel awkward. So he must know that I like him? He must have some sort of feeling that I could have feelings for him again.

Maybe he still just doesn't want to have a long distance relationship, he's changed, but not too much to have lost his old opinions on things. What did he plan when he walked into my apartment for the first time? What idea did he have in mind? He's leaving so soon and he hasn't showed any sign of being anything more than friends.

Okay, I take that back. When he said, "It's hard for me to not stare at you either," I actuality thought that night he was going to do something more. What? I don't know. But I wish he would have said something more about that.

God, I just want to cry. I want to cry because I'm confused and that's a way to get my frustrations out. He makes me so confused and needy. He's so beautiful and sweet and it's one hundred percent unfair to me. Why do I want a man that left me weeping when I was eighteen without any explanation besides the fact that he didn't want to be with me anymore? Why do I swoon over him every time he says my name? And why the hell do I always stare at his hands.