i try my absolute best to remain calm and collected but the face of my old best friend just makes me so angry. hyunjin is beyond lucky they're here because if i had seen him any other day on any street, i would've slapped him.
i have had a whole year to reflect on his words and he was lucky i didn't slap him at the dance. i was too in love with him then. now, a total dislike for the boy runs through my veins.
"well," felix coughs, clearing the awkward air, "this is such good food."
i know he's just trying to make conversation, we have been coming to this restaurant since our first year in high school. it's obvious that this food is good.
the rest of the dinner seems to go by pretty quickly, i ignore hyunjin and focus on the rest of the boys and the meal in front of me.
hours later, i sit on my bed in my bare bedroom, only a few pictures are left on the walls and they're all of hyunjin. i refused to take any singular pictures of him and i to america. that was my fresh start. the only pictures i had of him were the ones of our entire group.
it was hard enough to forget him, if i would've had the constant reminders of just him and i around the apartment, i would've never even thought about getting over the male.
benny curls up on my lap as i let out a long stifled yawn. i'm beyond exhausted, i slept for only 2 hours on the plane, i was way too excited to get home. i couldnt wait to see my family and then surprise my friends.
i never thought i would see hyunjin again, ever. i thought i would easily avoid him for the rest of my life. i was way too naïve to think that. the boys loved him more than life, i knew they were going to forgive him sooner or later. i was just hoping it would be later.
i didn't want to see him.
i plop back onto the fluffed up pillows that lay on my bed, benny moves from my lap to the pillow next to my head. his green eyes glance at me and i glance back.
"what?" i ask, i can feel his judging eyes continue to stare at me. "are you going to get out why you're actually frustrated?" is the look that the cat gives me.
now i know what youre thinking, illiad, there's no way a cat could give you a look that asks that sophisticated of a question. but i swear, the cat is much smarter than he pretends to be.
"no, i haven't thought about him, i won't think about him" i look over at the cat. "but you have, you just thought about him earlier" his eyes respond. my head shakes and i sigh at the knowing cat.
"i thought he would've seen my post today and finally answer my text messages but he's hasnt and it's stressing me out, benny" i can feel tears swell up in my eyes.
he promised me that this wouldn't happen.
"i can hear the sounds of the city!" jaemin laughs over the phone. i smile and nod. "wait look" i say getting up from my bed, i run over to the big window in my bedroom, pushing aside the big blackout curtains.
i turn my phone screen so he can see all of the lights, hear all of the sounds of dear new york city.
"i hope i get to come there to see you some day, see all of the lights and hear all of the bustling sounds" he says and the smile on my face gets wider. "me too! i would love to have you here with me."
the two of us just stare at each other on the telephone screen. "so was your day really okay or are you just saying that?" he asks and i shake my head. "it was really good jae! i met a girl in my one class! her name is penny she's so cool" i freak out a little bit over the new friend i have made.
she has a face much like a cat, more slender eyes than i have, a perfect nose and always changing hair. i had seen her a few weeks before but her hair was an entirely different color than it was from the last time i had seen her.
"i'm glad you're making friends moonie" jaemin's smile shows and i see his pearly whites. the two of us stop talking again, staring at each other's faces with big dumb smiles on our faces. i feel so loved when i talk to him, he makes me feel warm. he makes me feel something.
"hey jae, promise we'll never lose this?" i ask and he cocks his head to the side, confused at what i was asking him. "what do you mean moonie?"
"i mean promise that even when you get busier and i get busier we never stop talking, never stop texting each other. i really cant lose you" i say and the boys eyes light up. "i promise moonie, i will never stop talking to you, you're the light for me, i wouldn't give that up" his eyes continue to twinkle for me.
"come on jae, get off the phone with your girlfriend and come practice!" a male in the background yells. "i'm coming!" jaemin rolls his eyes before turning back to me. "i'll see you soon, i love you bye" he sends a quick kiss before hanging the phone up.
i can't get my i love you too out before his picture is gone from my phone.
he broke his promise. out of everything he broke his promise with me. i wipe a tear from my face turning towards benny again.
"did he ever really love me benny? or was it all just a hoax?"
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AUTHORSNOTE.zip sobbing, truly sobbing. illiad deserves so much more than these two stupid boys. #screwneveragainjaemin #screwlettersandneveragainhyunjin #stanneveragainilliad
