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#% HWANG HYUNJIN <3 !!! the night before
my feet pace around the room, i go from one side of the kitchen to the living room before turning on my heel and quickly going back. this time when i go to the kitchen i walk to the cupboard and pull out a sleek glass.
i put it down on the counter and fill it with a bit of ice and some water. it'll help quench my thirst in the long run.
i know it's good not to touch the alcohol on the counter anymore. god knows i can get in trouble with that again. i tighten the strings on my pants before going back to walking.
my brain can't decide where i want to sit. do i sit in the kitchen underneath the small dim light, do i sit in the living room on the couch or do i sit down at the windowsill with-
i don't even get to finish my thought before my legs are walking towards the window. this house was different from the moon's house. their house was the biggest in the whole neighborhood and was built a little different than mine.
i had a whole bay window in the front of my house, it brought it excellent light during the day time and kkami loved to sunbathe in it when he came over.
a chair sits in front of the bay window, papers splayed all across the entirety of it. i couldn't sit in it anymore, it was taken up by hundreds of pages of sentimental words.
a lamp stands beside the window and i reach over and grab the knob. it takes two full turns before light is emitted from the bulb.
my fingers shuffle through the many different pages and when i find where i had last left off i read the next page. the words are typed out beautifully and i love how the author wrote them with such grace.
i used a lot of their words as inspiration for my music. i have never had such a muse like that before.
i sigh when i reach the last line of the poetic page. tears are falling down my face now as i think of everything this piece of paper ties to. how i relate to it in such ways it's crumbling me.
the rough pads of my fingers wipe the salty substance from my face as i think about so much that could be different about my life right now. maybe if i never talked to ara i wouldnt be living in this big house by myself.
i wouldn't have tried to become an idol to make my schedule so busy i wouldn't even have to think of moonie's face.
maybe if i would have just seen that those letters were her, we would've been together. we could have been so so good together.
